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March 22, 2004 | by  | in News | [ssba]

Faking It

Em: Hey Eleanor, thanks for lending your fashion expertise after Sarah dumped me for the editor’s chair.

El: That’s cool Emily… I mean it’s such a great honour to work with you…
Em: I know. Sarah didn’t know how good she had it. Bitch.
El: We need to be careful though, Emily, otherwise she won’t publish it. Though, I hear her affection can be bought…
Em: Lets head down to Shanton and pick up a little something for her, we’ll tell her we got it at Karen Walker.
El: She’ll never notice!!

Listen closely, we are going to let you in on a little known fashion trick… “How to fake it!” People have been “faking it” for years, but it’s always been a closely guarded secret of the fashion elite (like us). We’ve decided to share it with you because we’re nice like that and we want to shamelessly promote our own fashion nous. So here we go:

Stage One: The Fashion Basics.
Know what’s in fashion. That means read; just read. Or actually read and watch E! But then, know what looks good on you. Just because it looks good on J’Lo doesn’t mean it’ll work for you. Also, half the stuff on the catwalk belongs on the catwalk. Or Paris Hilton. You are not Paris Hilton.

Stage Two: Pick your shop
The thing about designer fashion is that not everyone’s wearing it. So when you’re going to “fake it” you have to pick a shop that’s not terribly prolific. Let’s be frank here: NOT GLASSONS. Even if it looks cool in the window, remember half of the Hutt slappers will have it too. We recommend: Shanton, Jay Jays, Farmers, HD/Tightrope and other such cheap but funky stores. Also: check down the back of shops like Max for the hallowed Sale Rack. Just because no one else wants it doesn’t mean that you don’t!

Stage Three: Pick your item
This is the hardest bit. Some things are worth shelling out the dosh for: a good pair of jeans, a well-fitting pair of black pants and pretty much any shoes. Ask yourself this little question: Will people still be wearing 80’s style polka dot tops [or item x] next season? If the answer is no, remember this helpful rhyming phrase: “stay away from Richochet”.

Stage Four: Wear it with attitude
Ok we were wrong, this is the hardest part. Don’t wear head-to-toe fake fashion, team it with something upmarket to give the illusion of class. The key is integration. Now when confronted with the inevitable question “Great top, where did you get it?” play it by ear. If it’s a friend, it’s safe to spill the dirt on where you got it. This will get you fashion cred. Here’s an example:

Em: Great top, where’d you get it?
El: Isn’t it cool? I paid twenty-five bucks at Spacesuit.
Em: Wow! What a bargain! Your fash-dar [that’s fashion radar, people] rocks.
El: Thanks. I know. *smirks*

If it’s someone you don’t know, or someone you want to impress, lie outright. Like so:

El: Great top Em, where did you get it?
Em: Thanks, it’s Andrea Moore.
Aside: Actually, it’s Switch at Farmers. But I’m not going to tell Eleanor this, because she’s cooler than me and will probably think I’m a complete dick if I ‘fess up. *winks knowingly*

Be aware, if the person is decked out in Itchykoo Park gear don’t tell them you got your Farmers top from Itchykoo Park. Discretion is the key here. Yes, we know, we already said integration was the key. So there are two keys: integration and discretion. Nice.

So that’s it: our secret is out. You, dear reader, are now in possession of some extremely privileged information, so use it well. When we see a university full of well-dressed people with money in their pockets, we’ll know that we’ve done a good deed, and hope that there is a spot for us in fashion heaven, where the fabric is cheap, the dressmakers are cheaper, and the male models are plentiful and straight.


About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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