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September 4, 2006 | by  | in News | [ssba]

My Eyes, My Eyes, Oh God, My Eyes

All the good looks and personality of VUWSA exec couldn’t compensate for the four hours of discussion about the New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations (NZUSA) election I sat through last week. As Activities Officer Alexander Neilson commented afterwards, those are four hours of my life I will never get back.

Two VUWSA officers – Women’s Rights Officer Caroline Prendergast and Activities Officer Heleyni Pratley – are running in the upcoming NZUSA elections, and so they, along with current NZUSA Co-President Joey Randall, gave presentations on why VUWSA should vote for them.

There was no lolly-scramble. There were no Powerpoint presentations. No one yelled, or swore, or cried, or said anything stupid. And so all I got was cramp in my arse.

Prendergast is the only person in the running for the role of National Women’s Officer, but her “irresponsible” actions this year – involving comments to the media, and questionable expenditure – may have ruined her chances at winning the post, with the exec awarding her zero out of a possible 12 votes. Despite her claim that she danced for the entire hour she was out of the room during the other presentations, the exec reckons she’s not “the cream” required at national level.

Pratley gave an impassioned speech on her co-presidential abilities, claiming that she’s “been active in protests since I was about 10” and “gone to trillions of meetings”. She believes her background in design will benefit her in the role, and said that there is “no such thing as bad press,” referring to adverse publicity about her spelling skills on fake $20-note advertisements for a recent fee-setting forum. She was, it seems, more concerned about being arrested for copying legal tender (she had nightmares about it) than she was about her half-arsed attempt to spell-check her advertisements. The exec gave Pratley five of a possible 12 votes for effort.

The exec also awarded Randall 10 votes, whilst the remaining Co-President candidates – Otago University Students’ Association Vice-President Dan “the Maori-hater” Connor and some other guy who didn’t get his CV in on time – each received a big, fat no-confidence. All of the submitted CVs had stunning arrays of images of the candidates, including Prendergast semi-naked, Pratley ‘live-onstage’ and Connor looking like a cheesehead.

Education Vice-President Joel Cosgrove was made to sit outside during the Co- President candidates’ presentations, as his BF-GF relationship (or, as Cosgrove insists, the pair are “lovers”) with Pratley was seen as a “conflict of interest”. Ngai Tauira Taumaki Mary-Jane Waru thankfully stopped herself when describing the conflict of interest as a “ssss… relationship.” I’m pretty sure she was going to say “sexual”, and a sentence containing the words “Joel Cosgrove” and “sexual” is downright gross.

In Cosgrove’s absence, the exec was, as Kelly put it, “quorumly-challenged”, and so they embraced technology and conducted a quorum-via-telephone with Clubs Officer Melissa Barnard (who was watching NZ Idol) to pass a motion on how many votes each candidate would receive.

So then a million hours later, the exec moved to defer several agenda topics to next week’s meeting because everyone was bored as heck. Education Officer CJ Hunt read out his girlfriend, Delia Timms’, letter of resignation from her post as the other Education Officer. As he read “VUWSA has been a life experience for me and has led to some of the best moments of my life”, Cosgrove was censured for a comment regarding orgasms, which was good, because it was time for everyone to shut up and go home to watch Grey’s Anatomy.

Highlight: A stealth-mission through the darkness and locked doors of the Student Union Building to the VUWSA bathroom, which has nice soap, paper towels, and a very flattering mirror.

Lowlight: I saw so much of Welfare Vice-President Jules van Cruysen’s arse, I went blind. Someone fetch that man a pairof knickers.


About the Author ()

With her take-no-prisoners, kick-ass attitude, former News Editor Laura McQuillan adequately makes up for her lack of stature. Roaming the corridors (and underground tunnels) of the University by day, and hunting vampires and Nazi war criminals by night, McQuillan will stop at nothing to bring you the freshest news.

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