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October 16, 2006 | by  | in News | [ssba]

Eye On Exec: 2006

The past year for VUWSA has been one of fiscal irresponsibility, personality clashes and poor fashion. There have been threats of restraining orders, skivvies, bitch fights, bad facial hair, public displays of affection and financial setbacks, along with a legally-binding VUWSA-University friendship and a soccer win or two.

Nick Kelly, once described as a ‘wet lettuce’, sold his last shreds of dignity last week when, after recently losing out on re-election to the Presidential post, he utilised his President’s column to bitch about Labour (“the yuppie capitalist administration machine”), Vic Labour (which “ran a dirty campaign in which they didn’t stand for anything except negativity”) and “thoroughly destructive” exec members.

Kelly is now focussing his attention on rallying idiots at the Bucket Fountain to start “the revolution”, and smoothing the transition into office for new President Geoff ‘The Maori’ Hayward, including a nice-looking diary for when he takes the captain’s seat behind the controls of the S.S. VUWSA next year.

Plenty of personnel-shuffling took place throughout the year, with both of Kelly’s vice-presidents, his girlfriend Miri Duffield (Education) and Maddy Drew (Welfare), quitting within two weeks of each other. Duffield got a real job, and Drew cited medical reasons – but both were a thinly-disguised excuses to get away from the muppetry of it all.

Campaigns Officer Kate McEachen was also “removed” from her post in July for not apologising for missing a whole bunch of meetings, and for being a “biarch”, according to Education Vice- President Joel Cosgrove.

VUWSA ran a $300,000 deficit, made a little smaller by McEachen’s pathetic expenditure on campaigns. The annual student subscription was raised from $99 to $120, although most students didn’t even know they pay it, and cuts were made across the board to compensate for what Clubs Officer Melissa Barnard described as VUWSA’s “financial fuck up”.

A bunch of nerdy first years from Weir House under the moniker ‘Student Choice’ tried, and failed to stop the subscription increase, to run a candidate in the VUWSA general election and to get laid.

PDA was a frequent visitor to exec meetings, with exec couples (Kelly and Duffield, Education Officers CJ Hunt and Delia Timms, and Cosgrove and Activities Officer Heleyni Pratley) making witnesses ill. Why anyone would want to be boyfriend/girlfriend with an exec member (have you seen them?) is beyond comprehension to the average person, and the fact that the couples participate in lame shit like student politics together is pretty damn sad.

Hunt and Timms, unable to survive without constantly touching during meetings, in fact met through the exec and made out (or, as Kelly put it, “snogged”) for an entire van ride with the rest of the exec also in the van, and for an entire year ignored vomit-gestures and suggestions to ‘get a room’.

VUWSA and the University also signed a deed over the ownership of the Student Union Building and a Memorandum of Understanding about the TeamVic trademark for a reason to get drunk and party with the Vice-Chancellor, and the push for Chuck Norris to be made a lifemember of VUWSA is continuing into next year, with Welfare Vice-President Jules ‘the best thing to ever happen to VUWSA’ van Cruysen intending to work closely with incoming exec members to ensure this.

Highlight: Clubs Officer Melissa Barnard went back to the VUWSA Offices to get changed after last week’s sporting Blues and fell asleep on a couch with sunglasses on to block out the lights. She woke up at 1am and ran around outside the Student Union Building swearing about being left behind by those venturing into town (or returning to the Hutt, as the case may be), before finding a friend’s house to stay at, where they peeled, mashed and ate 5kgs of potatoes.

Lowlight: Joel Cosgrove ended the year by wearing a hideous hot pink/floral/redwith- white-polka-dots t-shirt (described by witnesses as “fucking ugly” and “quite strange”), along with no shoes and really, really stenchy feet. He put in a big effort this year with trying to organisestop-lecture meetings, which became frustrating when he discovered students don’t care about student politics and wanted him and his silly-ass helmet to get the fuck out of their lecture theatres.


About the Author ()

With her take-no-prisoners, kick-ass attitude, former News Editor Laura McQuillan adequately makes up for her lack of stature. Roaming the corridors (and underground tunnels) of the University by day, and hunting vampires and Nazi war criminals by night, McQuillan will stop at nothing to bring you the freshest news.

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