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March 26, 2007 | by  | in News | [ssba]

Eye on Exec: VUWSA spreads the love

(Note: Contains offensive language and graphic sexual themes)

After an O-Week breakdown between President Geoff Hayward and his two Vice Presidents Heleyni Pratley (Welfare) and Joel Cosgrove (Education), the three VUWSA exec members are (sort of) friends once again, and are moving into the future with cooperation, compliments, crackers and hummus.

All was not rosy down at the VUWSA office last Tuesday afternoon, however, when staff and students in the VUWSA office were shocked to hear Clubs Officer Melissa Barnard shrieking “I fucking hate you! I hope you fucking die!” at Activities Officer Bernard-Bernard Galaxy after he declined to help guillotine small rectangles of paper (“tickets”) for a Team Vic fundraiser.

Barnard’s colourful vocabulary has also helped shape the exec’s stance on a proposed hostel development on Fairlie Terrace which some exec members expressed opposition to.

After Barnard announced her support for the construction, saying it’s preferable to “students paying $130 to live in an arsefuck flat in fucken arsefuckville”, VUWSA amended its stance to not oppose the hostel plans, but opposing the University’s lack of consultation with local residents.

Meanwhile, Pratley has left students bewildered as she ‘spreads love’ around the Kelburn campus with her new ‘welfare van’, with which she distributes bread on Free Bread Wednesdays.

Salient can reveal that the ‘van’ is actually little more than a tastefully-decorated supermarket trolley with a hot pink décor and a flagpole, parked in Pratley’s office.

She says “the van is a siren of hope. It is a great point of contact for students wanting bread and more information about VUWSA welfare services in general. It’s decorated so that people can see it in the quad from long distances.”

Student Choice will be pleased to know the ‘van’ hasn’t cost students a penny, as it was stolen from next to a dumpster by Maclaurin, and that Pratley has applied to Pimp My Ride for further pimping of her… ride.

Pratley also says her ‘team” are in the process of developing a choral soundtrack to accompany the van on its merry travels around the University.

And in other news, Queer Rights Officer Rachael Wright was ‘censored’ on stage with her band, The Raging Mormons, a few weeks ago at the Gay and Lesbian Fair at Newtown School whilst playing a song featuring the words “slap my meat purse”. However, Wright refuses to let censorship stop her, and has promised to wear nothing other than a green VUWSA bikini at the upcoming Aotearoa Students’ Environmental Conference to increase VUWSA’s eco-friendly community profile.

Wright will also accompany Pratley on lecture-speaks, where she will use interpretive dance to spread the message of “what is VUWSA?”

The exec meeting ended with a note being passed around the table reading “I move that this meeting hurry up and end so that I can have sex.” The ‘motion’ received four votes in favour, although some voters chose to stay behind for an ‘emo’ party in Pratley’s office rather than go home for poon.


About the Author ()

With her take-no-prisoners, kick-ass attitude, former News Editor Laura McQuillan adequately makes up for her lack of stature. Roaming the corridors (and underground tunnels) of the University by day, and hunting vampires and Nazi war criminals by night, McQuillan will stop at nothing to bring you the freshest news.

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