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March 19, 2007 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Not just cool, beer cool

In general, coolness and I have only a fleeting relationship. We meet briefly every couple of years – usually by accident – before drifting apart for extended periods of time.

However, when it comes to beer, I know cool. Here are some surefire recommendations on what’s cool and what’s so not cool right now in the world of beer.

COOL: The beer launching fridge – The sheer convenience and awesomeness of this invention more than outweighs the slight risk of head injuries.
NOT COOL: Bilk – The world did not need Japan to invent a beer made from milk.
COOL: Platters at the Tasting Room – So much tasty wild food. Mmmm…goat croquettes!
NOT COOL: Drinking Becks out of a bottle – Everyone knows you are a rich and cool law student, now get a glass (and a haircut).
COOL: Corked 750ml Beer Bottles – Beers like Chimay and Moa taste great and look classy. So classy they can sometimes be drunk in BYO Bottled Wine Only places!
NOT COOL: Viking Lager – There is no excuse for drinking this swill even if you are a sociology first year.
COOL: Handpumps – Handpumped beer is something completely different. Try it at Bodega.
NOT COOL: Rugby teams drinking Radler – Am I the only one that thinks this is odd?
COOL: Bar Edward – Pretty much the only reason to go to Newtown.
NOT COOL: No beer – I hate functions which serve free orange juice and three kinds of wine but no beer. Beer is not a fringe beverage people!
COOL: Emerson’s Pilsner – Could this be tasting any better?
NOT COOL: Beer with Guarana – It is coming but we don’t need it. There are enough RTDs out there already.
COOL: Epic – A hoppy beer with attitude.
NOT COOL: Broken bottles – Don’t give the rest of us a bad name you muppets.
COOL: The Magic Fridge Ad – Funniest beer advert ever. Find it on YouTube right now.
NOT COOL: Rheineck – This is a cry for help. If you want a decent cheap beer drink Bavaria.
COOL: The Malthouse – Opening soon on Courtney Place. Wait till you see the beer lists.
NOT COOL: Corona – It was cool in the 80s but so were shoulder pads and white leisure suits.
COOL: Big beer ranges – The best are at Regional Wines, Thorndon New World and Island Bay New World.
NOT COOL: The Loaded Hog – Nice location, shame about everything else.
COOL: Tuatara beers – Fresh, great, local and increasingly available.
NOT COOL: Generic Beer Menus – You wouldn’t expect people to order something listed on the menu on the menu as ‘foreign wine’ so why should beer drinkers be offered something called ‘imported beer’? It could be anything!
COOL: Erdinger – The classic German wheat beer is now on tap at St John’s and Hope Brothers
NOT COOL: The Export Dry Thirst Fighters – They think they are quite a bit cooler than they really are.
COOL: Three Boys Golden Ale – A little ray of summer from the Garden City.
NOT COOL: Steinlager – Only good if you like headaches.

Next week: how cool is the Mount Street Bar?


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  1. Jesus says:

    You are a fag.

  2. Vestal Mastebation says:

    My Jesus forgives the homophobia of your Jesus.

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