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May 28, 2007 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Ask Becci

Please help! I think I’m falling in love with my flatmate. I know it’s dangerous territory; I’ve heard about all the horror stories that can happen when people that live together break up, and I’m familiar with the phrase ‘don’t screw the crew’. But I’ve never felt this strongly about anyone before. He’s smart and funny, we have lots in common, and he seems to really like me too. We’ve been living together since February, and our accommodation contract ends in November. My best friend said I should wait until the contract ends before I act on my feelings, but he’s a very attractive guy and I’m worried that if I wait that long, he’ll meet another girl and I’ll lose my chance with him. What do you think I should do?

This is a very difficult situation to be in, because if you started a relationship with this guy and something went wrong, or, alternatively, if you made a move or declared your feelings only to find out that they weren’t reciprocated, it could cause a lot of hurt, confusion and embarrassment for everyone involved. As you have stated in your question, you are already well aware of this. Although there is a damn good reason that the age old philosophy of ‘don’t screw the crew’ is in existence, it’s also true that many successful relationships begin with people being friends, colleagues, or flatmates; and it’s easy to understand why these types of relationships can work. After all, if you’ve been living with someone for a while, it’s inevitable that you’re going to get to know that person quite well. You’ll already know what they look like first thing in the morning for one thing, and you will have been witness to all of their bad habits, so they won’t come as a nasty surprise six months into the relationship! That’s not to say that any relationship you may or may not enter into will end happily ever after though. I would advise you to tread carefully – don’t make a move or declare your feelings for this guy until you’re positive he feels the same way about you and wants the same thing as you do; a relation-ship, rather than a quick screw or a friends with benefits package. Also, before entering into a relationship, it might be a good idea to discuss together what would happen if anything should go wrong. It might seem like a morbid topic now, but if you have a less than amicable break up somewhere in the future, it will be well worth it to have a plan. Also take into consideration that if there is a break up, it will involve any other flatmates you may live with, whether you think it’s any of their business or not. Just remember, ultimately this is your decision to make. Good luck!

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