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May 7, 2007 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Breast Parenting

From the “Sample book review documentation form,” supplied by the Fairfax, Virginia, activist group Parents Against Bad Books in Schools, for you by parents when registering a complaint about a book in a school library or on their child’s reading list.

Does the book contain any sexual content? Indicate the level of vividness/graphicness, using the following as a general guide:
Basic: Large breasts.
Graphic: Large, voluptuous, bouncing breasts.
Very graphic: Large, voluptuous, bouncing breasts with hard nipples.
Extremely graphic: Large, voluptuous, bouncing breasts with hard nipples covered with glistening sweat and bite marks.

Does the book contain any violent content? Indicate the level of vividness/graphicness, using the following as a general guide:
Basic: Cut off his head.
Graphic: Cut off his head, blood gushed onto floor.
Very graphic: Cut off his head, blood gushed onto floor, splattered on wall, and head bounced on the floor.
Extremely graphic: Cut off his head, blood gushed onto floor, splattered on wall, and head bounced on the floor, and his brains slowly oozed out onto the carpet in a purple grey mass.

Overdue Prejudice

From a list of participants recommended for inclusion in a “living library,” featured in a handbook for library organizers published last year by the Council of Europe. Members of the public “borrow” people for an hour in order to “talk with his or her own prejudice or stereotype.” So far, living library events have taken place in Denmark, Hungary, the Netherlands, Norway, Sweden, and Portugal.

Animal-Rights Activist
Black Person
Bureaucrat Environmentalist
Ex-Football Hooligan
Ex-Illiterate Person
Ex Neo-Nazi
Unemployed Person
Asylum Seeker
Blonde Woman
Disabled Person
Ex-Drug Abuser
Ex-Homeless Person
Gay Person
Police Officer

Dr Ruth, Betty, Sarah and Kelly

From Polygamy: Tips to Succeed with Many Wives, by Puspo Wardoyo, the founder of the Indonesian National Polygamy Society. Translated from the Indonesian by Sari Sudarsono.

Make an agreement with your wives on a fair schedule for the nights you spend with each. Having four, I allocate one week in a month for each wife. It can be in a row, but it can also be spread out, subject to agreement.

Educate your wives to be good and faithful, and to understand the principle of Islamic polygamy. You can do this by reading the Koran, as well as by filling your library with books on polygamy.

Communicate all the time with all wives and children, at least by phone.

Don’t compliment one wife in front of another.

Eat a lot of fruit, vegetables, seafood, and honey to maintain your stamina. Don’t smoke. Smell good. Be diligent in brushing your teeth.

Escalator Truths

From “Escalator Myths and Fears,” posted on the website of the Elevator Escalator Safety Foundation.

MYTH: The biggest myth about escalators is that you don’t have to pay much attention to them.
TRUTH: Escalators are 6,000 kgs of moving machines and should be treated as such. Pay the same attention to an escalator as you would to a moving bus.

MYTH: Escalators can reach out and grab you.
TRUTH: No part of an escalator can do this.

MYTH: If an escalator is standing still, it is just a set of stairs.
TRUTH: Not at all! Escalator steps are not the correct height for normal walking and should not be used in that manner.

MYTH: Children often think that the steps fall into the basement and have to be restacked every morning.
TRUTH: Escalator steps move on an endless chain system. At the bottom they rotate under and over the underside of the chain to reappear at the top.

MYTH: The steps will flatten out and all the people will slide down.
TRUTH: This is impossible. Each step is a full triangular structure consisting of tread and riser supported on a track and cannot flatten out.

Yumel the Talking Doll

The following are among the 1,200 statements in the repertoire of ‘Yumel,’ a talking doll for sale in Japan. The doll is marketed as a “healing partner” for night time use by the lonely elderly. According to Tomy, the doll’s manufacturer, over 8,000 have been sold to date . Translated from the Japanese by W. David Marx.

I love you!
Won’t you sleep with me? Promise! Did you brush your teeth?
Ask me a lot about my dreams.
I had a dream where Mr. Squirrel ate a huge cake. I had a dream where a chicken was washing dishes.
I had a dream about a beach… Never mind, it’s a secret!
Even though I slept a lot, I’m still sleepy.
Are you waking up in the middle of the night? I want to help out around the house.
I’d be very happy if you played with me.
It feels good when you sing in a loud voice. Let’s do it together!
Something smells good!
Did you warm yourself up in the bath? I like soft ears.
I like soft voices.
I give you my treasure.
I want to have a secret that’s just between us two.
I want to go to the inside of a whale’s mouth.
Someday I want to go over the rainbow.
Right now, I want socks.
Listen, listen! I had a dream. I ate a potato. And I was studying at school. Washing clothes is hard, isn’t it? Is going out shopping hard?
I want cheese.
Are you eating vegetables?
I want to know about a lot of things. Why are bunnies’ eyes red?
I wonder what kinds of dreams elephants have. It’s strange that fish can live in the ocean. Where does the wind come from and where does it go?
I wonder why the stars don’t fall to the ground. The sky is so good and big.
Why do you say moshi moshi when you answer the phone? It’s funny!
It’s strange that sometimes you cry when you are laughing.


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