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July 16, 2007 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Ask Becci

I am a lesbian but have recently become attracted to a male friend of a friend. I’m so confused! What should I do?

Don’t worry about it! As any UniQ member will tell you, sexuality is not necessarily a fixed thing. There is a continuum of sexuality, from exclusively attracted to men to exclusively attracted to women, and everyone fits somewhere in the middle! Of course, the majority of people lean heavily to one side, but they shouldn’t deny attraction to the ‘wrong’ sex based purely on that. The labels ‘lesbian’, ‘gay’, ‘straight’ and ‘bisexual’, while convenient, are really too simplistic.

So what’s my advice to you? Well, why don’t you see where this goes? If you’re genuinely attracted to him, you should spend some time together and see how things work out. If it’s just a passing thing, what’s the harm? If there really is something there, bonus for you! It would be a real pity to miss out on a rewarding relationship, just because the object of your attraction happens to belong to the ‘wrong’ sex.

I have a small penis and while I am good at flirting and picking up girls I often feel like I am going to let them down when I take them home. Do you think I should down play things?

I won’t lie to you. Size does matter. Anyone who tells you otherwise is lying. BUT, and this is important, it’s not that big a deal! Sure, we’d probably prefer it if you were a little bigger down there, but all those sayings (“It’s not the size of the rise that collects the prize, but the throb of the knob that does the job”… gets me every time) ring true.

Basically, you needn’t be all too worried about it. It’s not how big it is, it’s how you use it. By the sounds of it, you’re otherwise a pretty confident guy, so I doubt that’s a problem for you! ;)

What should I do? I have been going out with my boyfriend for two years but now have become attracted to another guy. I still love my boyfriend but can’t stop fantasizing about having sex with this guy. I think he is interested too. Do you think it’s wrong for me to have a bit of fun on the side?

This is a tricky question. ‘No it’s not!’ I hear my readers shouting, but it is. It depends on a whole host of things.

How much do you value your relationship with your boyfriend?

Because cheating inevitably puts that at risk. If your boyfriend finds out (and despite how careful you are, it’s more than likely that he will), your relationship may never recover, if he doesn’t end it immediately.

Secondly, you need to realise that attraction is totally fine in itself. People will always be attracted to hotties, that’s just the way it is. Being in a relationship isn’t going to change that, and I’m sure your boyfriend realises that just as much as you.

But thirdly, how you do you actually FEEL about the idea of cheating on your boyfriend? This is the most important factor. The sexual revolution was all well and good, but the majority of people (myself included) truly feel that cheating on your partner is wrong. Unless you’ve actually decided to go the whole ‘open relationship’ route, there is a some serious moral condemnation of even just, as you say, having ‘a bit of fun on the side.’

So… It’s really up to you. If you think you’ll get enough out of it for it to be worth it, I’m not going to tell you not to. But I AM going to tell you that I wouldn’t do it myself. Not a chance.


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