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August 13, 2007 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Things to blame Iceland for:

1 Bjork
2 Wailing
3 Leif Erickson discovering America
4 Glaciers
5 A backdrop for all too many power and black metal albums

Fun things to do in boring lectures:

1 Fart
2 Write better Top 5s than these
3 Read Salient
4 Go home
5 Sleep

People who age like wine:

1 Christopher Lambert
2 Catherine Zeta-Jones
3 Sean Connery
4 Axl Rose
5 Helen Clark

Places that are dark and brutal:

1 The Mariana Trench
2 Siberia
3 Nepal
4 Crystal Lake
5 The Salient offi ce before people have had their morning coffee

Dumb ideas while at a cabin in the woods:

1 Saying you will be right back when a serial killer’s on the loose
2 Drinking and smoking pot at said cabin (especially drinking pot)
3 Having premarital sex at said cabin while a serial
killer’s on the loose
4 Standing near windows or under trees while a serial killer who likes hockey masks is on the loose
5 Holidaying at said cabin if it’s at Crystal Lake

Places to go when you die:

1 Hell, you know it would kick ass
2 A crematorium so you can be rendered into plant food
3 Dismembered to decompose in engine coolant
4 Fed to wild dogs
5 In the ground so you can rot an’ shit

Things celebrants shouldn’t get:

1 A religion
2 Tattoos with the name of their signifi cant others, it never lasts
3 Jumped up about Third World debt
4 Adopt Third World babies
5 Out of their prison terms

Things VUW could do to make Kelburn campus a better place:

1 A brothel with student rates
2 Some kind of violent dangerous animals instead of tuataras
3 Karaoke in tutorials
4 A Bukkake room
5 A fast food joint instead of the Quad Kiosk

Countries who need more nukes:

1 Jebus Land
2 East Germany
3 American Iraq
4 North Korea
5 New Zealand

Home Decor Themes:

1 Nuvo-Mortuare
2 Home Sweet homicide
3 Impaled Heathen
4 Archaic Abattoir
5 Black except for a red wall that has to be repainted in human blood to keep it red to avoid it clotting


About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

Comments (4)

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  1. ally says:

    number one thing to do in a boring lecture is not to fart but to throw this pathetic page of ‘top five’-ness at the person who is talking in front of you

  2. ally says:

    number one thing to do in a boring lecture is not to fart but to throw this pathetic page of ‘top five’-ness at the person who is talking in front of you

  3. Phill says:

    Fuck up salient, Magneto is much better, you can even use their pages to wipe ya arse and it wouldnt cut you

  4. Matthew Anderson says:

    these were always shit

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