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September 17, 2007 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Numbers

1. 1
2. 69
3. Pi (In case you’re hungry)
4. 16, 18, and 21
5. ‘My Way’ by Frank Sinatra

Things to do at the back of Reading Cinema

1. Watch the movie
2. Eat popcorn
3. Snore loudly
4. Do that thing with your cheeks that makes you sound like you’re masturbating
5. Pick off people with a .22 air rifle

Things to line the bottom of a birdcage with

1. Salient (obviously)
2. The latest Black Seeds album
3. List of latest Wellington Mayoral candidates
4. Lindsay Perigo’s collected writings on the science of climate change
5. Your tertiary course notes

People who would be better with a smashed in head

1. Dick Cheney
2. Geoff Hayward
3. Lindsay Perigo (obviously)
4. H. Westfold
5. Anyone else who contributes to Salient

Things to get you in the mood for ‘good lovin’

1. Reading Lindsay Perigo’s memoirs
2. A candlelit dinner with Kerry
3. Listening to the Black Seeds
4. Lube up Salient and stick it up your ass.
5. Watch Campbell Live

Things to stick up your ass

1. Lindsay Perigo (head first)
2. A Human Penis
3. The “Bypass”
4. Prenderghastly’s manifesto for a better city
5. Anything but a gerbil

Things to do once you have a degree

1. Leave NZ for good
2. Go on the dole
3. Start another degree
4. Become a lecturer
5. Apply for next year’s Salient editorship, cause this guy sure ain’t comin’ back

Reasons why Lindsay Perigo is gay

1. He thinks a string of insults comprises a rational argument
2. He’s a G.W. Bush fan
3. He uses crap, meaningless phrases like ‘Saddamite’
4. He writes for Salient
5. He likes to have sex with men

Substitutes for ‘Laughing on the Inside’

1. Crying on the inside
2. Writing letters to Salient
3. Developing a tumour
4. Doing the moonwalk
5. Laughing on the outside

Necrophiliac lore:

1. Dead for a day, take them away; Dead for a fortnight, you’re in for a good night; Dead for a year, better stay clear; Any longer than that, you’re a true necrophiliac
2. If they’re not quite dead, smack them in the head
3. As long as you have a spade, you’re gonna get laid
4. If worms already feed, lube you will need
5. If things get dull, fuck them in the skull

[ssba]

About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

Comments (7)

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  1. Lindsay says:

    That’s right Lindsay Perigo IS gay so that makes it even more funny.

  2. Vincent Gallo says:

    the necrophilia 5’s are clearly plaigiarised from a bad joke book i dare say.

  3. John Frusciante says:

    Do you have new people doing these top 5’s? ’cause most of them seem to be funny now

  4. The Honorable F. Zappa says:

    Don’t eat the yellow snow!

  5. Johnny Thunders says:

    Is there a course on BAD HUMOR at Victoria? ( I like all of them except the last one, which is obviously written by someone else. )

  6. Oscar Wilde says:

    Perigo tried to come onto me just the other day and it was most unpleasant!

  7. skyline says:

    4 8 15 16 23 42

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