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August 17, 2008 | by  | in Online Only | [ssba]

The Artistic Progression of SPAM

I remember when spam was all about getting a larger penis, a fake degree and some porn. Back then the funniest spam email header I ever received was “Mohammed Erectile Disfunction.” But a wee while ago the spammers decided to disguise their emails as fake breaking news updates, and they are magnificent. To celebrate the artistic rise of spam, here are my favourites:

“Bodyguards positioned outside Britney’s vagina”
“Theodore Roosevely was a gay man”
“Paris Hilton to Operate New Atom Smasher”
“BREAKING NEWS: Attack of the Zombie Negroes: Dick Cheney”

These pieces of genius all give me a little chuckle in the morning. Slightly more perturbing, however, are the ones that could conceivably be real news – such as “Obama withdraws from Presidential race”. Although I know that such news is all false when I clear them from my junkbox, they are nevertheless imprinted on my brain, leaving me with the impression that a bunch of stuff which hasn’t happened actually has. And that’s some freaky shit, y’all.


About the Author ()

Tristan Egarr edited in 2008. He threw a chair once.

Comments (3)

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  1. Jackson Wood says:

    I am sad because my beloved Angelina hasn’t emailed or called me.. it has been almost 2 months since I last tried to contact her… I wonder how the UN camp is going.

  2. Superior Mind says:

    Chin up Jackson, she can’t have forgotten about you after that sexy pic you sent her.

    As for me – my spam is rarely interesting. One I do remember boldly proclaimed:

    “No more small Rooster! Grow it large today!”

    Thank God y’know, because all the other chickens were just beating the crap out of that little guy.
    An interesting approach at getting past the spam filter. Didn’t work though.

  3. Guy says:

    I clicked on one of those fake degree links, and ended up here! Doh!

    I’m off to Nigeria now, to pick up a wife, 12 billion pounds, and a footlong rooster.

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