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August 4, 2008 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Week In Politics

Condoleezza Rice came to New Zealand. Auckland University Students’ Association offered a reward for her arrest. She met with Winston, Helen and some other people. At a press conference Duncan Garner made a fool of himself and made New Zealand look like Hicksville, and questioned Winston about the Spencer Trust, rather than questioning Condi about her use of the long lost word, ALLY in relation to NZ. Fuck you Duncan.

Once again Winston Peters’ chipper face dominated the political week. He picked a fight with Bob Jones – wrong thing to do, because Bob Jones (long time friend of Salient) will come out with both fists with brass knuckles on, swinging wildly and a mouth looser than… well something really loose. New information has been discovered that leads us to believe Winston has been even more dishonest than the media (naively) first thought. In the mean time he has been described as Houdini; this political reporter thinks of him more like a bar of soap, handy to have, but if you drop it, you’re fucked.

EFA caused more headaches for Labour with the State Services Commission ruling that they need to take one (hyphenated) word out of 13,600 instances. The offending phrase was: “Labour-led Government”. Bill English, National’s bagman on the EFA said that it was bad and that they should change it. It was thought Pete Hodgson said something… but it turned out he was just dancing.

The National Party Conference will be held over the weekend. So by the time this gets to you John Key will have made whatever speech, sung whatever song, or done whatever dance that he is going to do at the conference and this will be out of date… so… yeah.

The Alliance released its party list. No one cared.

Beloved Gay Auckland icon John Banks revealed to Alt TV that he cares more about penguins in the Antarctic than many of New Zealand’s social issues. When questioned by other media, Banks replied that he did not have to justify his environmentalism to them. Gay penguins everywhere rejoiced the fact that Banks will soon move south and cancel their Hero Parade because, well, it’s kinda hard to march in hot pants when you’re a penguin.

Internationally, Tonga had its coronation ceremony for the new King. About a million piggilys were killed in his honour and will be roasted. Yum!

The Cambodian Peoples’ Party (CPP) won again in the latest election. Many news agencies have seen this as bad for democracy… however the CPP only won 90 out of 123 seats. Which is a much lower percentage than what Mugabe ‘won’ by in Zimbabwe. Martin Callanan, the head of an EU election monitoring team, said that the elections fell short of international standards because biases and alleged vote irregularities were on a large enough scale to invalidate the result. Similar things could have been said about the 2001 US Presidential election, but weren’t.

Father Ted Radovan Karadzic is now in the custody of The Hague. He has been stirring up trouble in his old stomping ground Belgrade with 10,000 hooligans protesting his arrest.

Facebook quashed freedom of speech and political satire in a bold move that saw the John Keys Facebook supporters’ page removed from the social networking site. LONG LIVE JOHN KEYS!

Week the Blogs

This week Jackson blogged about some new media aspects of the bigger political parties. His first post ranked the party websites in order of their awesomeness, and the second post was about their Facebook presence. It made mention of the illustrious John Keys, who has since been culled by Facebook Admin.

Conrad did a shameless plug for some lame Debating Society thing that is happening sometime… and it’s post modernly controversial. Meh.

One of the newer additions to the blogging team, The Spirit of Bill Hicks wrote about how ELEMENO-P was categorically and verifiably shit and how they suck Satan’s flaccid herpes covered penis.

Comment of the Week

The Undeniable Eric Shin on Pedestrian City:

“The problem with having AYF’s like Haimona on public transport is that I sometimes get excited.

You know, you’re in those seats where you have to face someone, a AYF sits across from you, the bus is jiggling, you’re oggling… it makes for an embarrassing situation when you eventually have to stand up.

It brings a whole new meaning to “getting off” the bus.”


About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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