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September 8, 2008 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

The Week in Politics

Peters’ shit might not stink!
After two months of constant media coverage it turns out that Winston Peters’/New Zealand First’s financial woes were just a big fuck up. Late last week Winnie stood down from his ministerial roles but is still playing with his baubles. He is set to appear in front of the privileges committee again, as is Owen Glenn. Helen Clark waded into the debate revealing that she knew shit months before it hit the fan. THIS IS NOT NEWS! GET OVER IT!

Bill and Ben 4 lyfe
Pulp Sport heroes Bill and Ben received media coverage of their run for Parliament on a platform of ‘no promises’. The Bill and Ben Party was registered with the Electoral Commission on 1 July, and they’ve since applied to register their ‘B&B’ party logo – which somewhat resembles that of the bed and breakfast industry. They’re pretty funny, and pretty good-looking also, and happy to embezzle any funds from millionaire backers.

John Obama Barack Key
Last week John Key compared himself to US Democratic Presidential candidate Barack Obama. Criticism flew at Mr. Key from all angles about this comparison. When Salient called Mr Obama for comment he furiously denied ever having slept with Mr Key.

Election date?
It is almost three months to the last possible election date but we’re still not sure exactly when it is going to be. National kicked off its election campaign with billboards promising to lower taxes and bring expats back. Labour’s campaign which looks to be about fluffy bunnies and pots of gold at the end of the rainbow is yet to get off the ground. Meanwhile the Electoral Commission knows something’s up and has ordered ballot boxes and supplies in the vain hope that Helen will announce an election at all.

Opinion polls
In another opinion poll, about the millionth so far this year, the gap between National and Labour has decreased again. This goes to show the fickle nature of New Zealanders’ voting preferences.

Crazy white woman for VP!
Sarah Palin, a relatively unknown Tina Fey impersonator from Alaska, has been announced as McCain’s running mate on the Republican ticket for the US presidential election. Palin brings the religious right to McCain’s simpering liberal sympathies. She has five kids with fucked up names, one of which is having a baby to a self proclaimed “Fucking redneck”. Her policy interests include shooting polar bears, teaching intelligent design in all American schools and outlawing abortion. God bless America.

Vlad the Tranquilizer
Russian President, Vladimir Putin proves how fucking kickass he really is and shoots a tiger with a tranquilizer gun, saving some tourists from being devoured. Oh what a powerful allegory.

Boom boom
Russia and Georgia have been using cluster bombs in South Ossetia. The Israeli made M85 cluster bombs were dropped by Georgian troops in response to Russia dropping Russian made RBK-250 cluster bombs in the same region. Human Rights Watch believes this is the first use of cluster munitions since 2006. New Zealand is a strong supporter of a move to ban the munitions.

Maori Watch by Haimona Peretini Gray (Ngati Kahungunu/ Rangitane)

Harawira says something foolish, Maori ‘shocked’ Maori Party MP Hone Harawira slagged off the current Labour administration to newspaper of record The Sunday Star-Times. Harawira, 53, Virgo, said that Labour are “suffering from the arrogance of being in power too long. At the moment they’re a coalition corpse. They’re gone, and anybody who is associated too closely with them is likely to be gone as well.”

Harawira also described his party as a ‘limousine’. This has been perceived by many in the media to be a reference to a speech by Helen Clark in ‘05 in which she said the Maori Party would be the “last cab off the rank” for Labour as a potential support or coalition party. But we at Salient prefer to think he’s just not great at analogies and/or generally believes his party to be a large metal object.

Maori Party Leader Tariana Turia clarified her party’s actual position by saying it was for the voters to decide if there needs to be a change of government and that Harawira has been naughty and needs a good talking to.

Monolingual Maori language dictionary shames non-Te Reo speaking Maori into thinking about possibly maybe learning some Te Reo, sometime, when they’re not busy, seriously we will get around it… don’t look at me like that.

“Spring is here, and with it the revitalisation of life itself is celebrated with the launch of He Pataka Kupu – te kai a te rangatira is the very first monolingual Maori language dictionary” said a press release I pretended to read while really reading Cosmo. It is the first Maori dictionary to be produced for those who know more Te Reo than “warewhare” and “not even au.”

The Dictionary is a great step for those Maori who and will improve the standing of the Maori language.


Rush for Treaty claims as Maori try to screw Pakeha over… again, hahahaha

Us greedy Maori are back to our favourite past time, screwing the government over for sweet sweet cash money. In a step to curb Maori’s lust for gold, the first (Monday) of this month was the last day to lodge historical claims to the Waitangi Tribunal.

Some fear that this restrictive deadline is not in the true spirit of the Treaty but these Maori have received a resounding “meh” by those in government.


Week on the Blogs

Salient, at the time of production, was undergoing technical difficulties with the website. Yay for technology! So we’re going to free style this section this week. The events written here, may or may not have happened, and are being recalled from the drug addled brain and Pneumonia ridden lungs of the Politics Editor in the early hours of Friday morning. Here goes:

Jackson blogged about the new National Party billboards and how they reminded him of Orwell’s 1984. One person called him a dick, and another called him a buffoon. Fair cop. He also wrote something else which was about dinosaurs making love in a kiddy pool full of spaghetti.

Conrad posted the Labour list and a photo essay of a day in the life of a barnacle on the HMNZS Endeavour.

Tristan posted notices about the VUWSA election and shit.

Peter Manglethwaite did a thoroughly researched post with full policy analysis of National, Labour, Greens and ACT’s tax policy. He concluded that we’re all fucked when the turn the Hadron Collider on later this week so why worry.

COmments of the Weeks

Shitkicker McGee about Petermcc
“I’m going to push you off a cliff”


About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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