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March 30, 2009 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Study concludes 9 out of 10 people forgot about Dre

A study released last week by Victoria University of Wellington’s School of Mathematics, Statistics and Computer Science has given credence to the often mooted (but never proven) notion that all these motherfuckers act like they forgot about Dre, because they have in fact forgotten about Dre.

Among a staggering 20,000 people interviewed, 18,000 professed to having forgotten about the former NWA member, while an even 1000-person split was recorded to be straddling those who had not forgotten about Dre, and those who had never encountered Dre or his c*h*r*o*n*i*c.
The exhaustive research, conducted over a period of eight years immediately following the release of Dr. Dre’s tour de force “The Chronic 2001,” spanned 17 different countries and 143 different cities and hoods.

At a press conference held last Thursday, the head of the study, Professor Alexander George Mulberry, expressed relief at finally coming to the end of a long and worthwhile academic exposition.

“Finally, after years of dodging the slings and arrows of academia’s better judgement, the man who invited us all to ‘fuck the police’ may finally get the respect he deserves,” said Professor Mulberry.

“What we have here is conclusive proof that all these dope-ass motherfuckers here forgot about Dre.”

Mulberry admitted being surprised due to the fact the initial batch of results, taken from Harlem, NY, were slanted staggeringly in favour of remembering the famous hip-hop producer.

“One gentleman, who insisted on being referred to as ‘L-Daaawwwg,’ responded to the questionnaire with ‘I know dat negro Dre. Punk ass niggah trippin’ gave you clownshoes all tha Eazy-Es, Ice Cubes and D.O.Cs and Snoop D O double Gs that yo could sw-a-a-a-allow’. His sentiment was indicative of the entire Harlem ‘hood,’ as it were,” the erudite tongue of the Professor said.

“I would say the fact most people who knew Dre came from predominantly black neighbourhoods speaks widely of the sense of ‘brotha-hood’ felt between those who, and I’m quoting here, ‘Like to keep ‘dem white-ass cracka ass crackas out of ‘der mothafuckin’ hood,’ which I believe is vernacular for friendship or some such.”

News of the results had reached Dr. Dre, who was holidaying in New Orleans when Salient contacted him, and was unprepared to go on record with a response.

Under a press release titled “Forgot About Dre,” the rap superstar issued the following thoughts: “Ya’ll know me, still the same ol’ G, but I been low key.”

Professor Malberry believed the response was in keeping with the doctor’s trademark modesty.
“He is a shy negro, even in this Obama age,” he said.

“One need only study a tape of NWA to reach this conclusion. Shyness surrounds Dr. Dre like some kind of scent.”

The full study will be published on April 20th.


About the Author ()

Kia ora, biography box, kia ora.

Comments (4)

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  1. armand says:

    silly behavior

  2. Shitkicker McGee says:

    Who’s Dre?

  3. Norm says:

    “Dear Mr. Denby. Norm can’t come into work today because he is sick. Signed, Dr. Dre.”

  4. Daniel J Miles says:

    Best story of the year.

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