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July 9, 2009 | by  | in Online Only | [ssba]

Limp_BizKit_Rollin_96khz.mp3: Thoughts on Jazzy and Bobby.

It’s important to mention that this is pure opinion. Despite my position as News Editor calling for something akin to “impartiality”, I flick that hat aside and invite you all to sit down by the fire whilst I tell you a tale.

This Wednesday, students will be offered a rare opportunity to gather at a bar—let me finish—and fire two members of their association’s exec. President Jasmine Freemantle and Education Officer (Welfare) Robert Latimer will stare down the gauntlet of their peers and face motions of no confidence in their performance.

Concerns have bubbled to the fore in recent times about the way the execeteers we’ve come to call Jazzy and Bobby have rolled and patrolled. Freemantle has suffered slings from (former) members of her own exec and arrows from the starched shirts of her old political sorority “Magna-cum-Workers Par-tay”, while Bobby has seemingly dicked around for the better part of the year, moseying around Mount Street’s drinklatory and mouthing nonsensical gibberish to exec, media, and anyone with a pair of ears.

I have had the pleasure—and I say this in all sincerity, my self-esteem has never been so high—of reporting on the ebbs and flows trickling out of VUWSA’s office throughout the Year of Our Lord 2009.

I have watched with keen interest the methodical and inscrutable way Freemantle has conducted business. She inherited an Association in dire need of saving: the tenets governing sound and simple business had been conveniently ignored over the years and the association suffered tremendously as a result.

She is an enigma; a non-nonsense authoriatron whose knowledge of VUWSA mechanics is staggeringly encyclopaedic on one hand, but sports a cheeky gigglitronic disposition on the other. She recites policy with the erudite tongue of someone who paid attention in Media Training 101, and says “What the fuck is that?” the same way people you know might say it.

To her credit, Jasmine has exercised all efforts to turn what was a floundering entity starved of direction, energy and insight into something that can at least, well, function.

Comedian Jon Stewart once explained that he never cared if former President George W. Bush was a “nice guy or not,” saying he would rather have an incompetent dick than a friendly buffoon. Behold, my feelings on President J. Freemantle unfurled. The excuses touted by the likes of Latimer, former exec members Marika Pratley and Kassie Hartendorp that her no-nonsense style has impinged so deftly upon their roles, they have no recourse but to quit, rings petty in the ears of anyone who’s worked with someone tough.

We’ve ALL worked alongside douchebags. Cast your mind back to primary school when you were put in reading groups with the kid who insisted upon making fart sounds every time a page was turned. Think about the times you were in a “technology challenge” group, and one kid took a roll of newspaper between their legs and said, “LOOK AT MAH HUGE DIK!” Think about the drooling goob who hit on you in your first post-high school job; consider the bitch who left half-empty coffee mugs in the kitchen sink while you were interning; take a stroll around the boss who wouldn’t let you go home until you’d finished writing that report. Shit, think of every time you’ve had to work with someone who didn’t jive the way you jived.

I’m not suggesting that El Presidente is a douchebag, nor am I saying she is easy to work with, for both claims I haven’t sufficient evidence hither or thither. What I will say is that if Freemantle is a tough cookie to work for, cavorting about the ‘Land of Quit’ is not going to do anyone any favours. Why, think of those half-filled CVs of those abandoned execateers. “Why did you leave your last job?” “Oh, Jasmine, AKA HITLER, said she didn’t like how I…” The crosses some people bear, am I right?

She has her faults, sure, but a cursory glance at her work reports would show that she’s at least doing an admirable impression of a real-life president.

In turn, I’ve watched Bobby Latimer churn out valueless verbosity masquerading as intelligent discourse in what I can only presume is an attempt to cover his hide from critique. He has made mistakes, the most notable being the lack of due care required when in charge of precious confidential information.

Regardless of whether his laptop was stolen or misplaced, Latimer took an unspoken oath of authority and pledged to ensure the information under his watch was his responsibility. The exec picked up the pieces, but instead of humbly thanking his colleagues for taking the bump on his behalf, he took umbrage for being referred to as “Latimer” throughout its written apology, and boo-booed all explanations in his own endearing fashion. A less scrupulous individual may have conveyed this through excessive urination on the floors of VUWSA’s office, but ours is not to piss, but to take the piss.

By-elections in this shape are expensive, gamey wastes of time. As Jackson will explain in his coming editorial, the democratic process is rarely enhanced by this hump in the middle of the road. There needs to be nominations, then electioneering, then voting, then training, then perhaps a couple of months of work before rinse and repeating the process again for 2010. Stop and think about this: five execateers have blown the whistle halfway through the game. Granted, two were legitimate resignations, but the others smack of “Fuck you, my ball and I are outta here.” Why? Because someone’s mean in the state of Denmark.

Consider this before you saddle up to the Mount Street speakeasy an hour after high noon on Wednesday: you will be asked whether a person—who for all intents and purposes has performed competently—should be turfed because she got the grumps once upon a time. You will be asked whether you consent to an interim President—a figurehead of policy, advocacy, and employment—phoning it in for the remainder of the year, leaving your association treading water until next year.

In Latimer, you will be asking yourself whether the guy who brings Food Bank bread to VUWSA’s office every Wednesday has earned his part-time cheque or not.

Following that kafuffle, I (and many others I presume, and hope) will be asking VUWSA for one favour: do some work, for the love of all god, do some fucking work. Finish this year the way you began: eager, enthused and excited. We’ll chuck $2m your way next year if you do. Smirk.

Now, excuse me while I sign this off by pissing all over the ground floor of the SUB. I’m nothing if not symbolic.


About the Author ()

Kia ora, biography box, kia ora.

Comments (24)

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  1. Matthew_Cunningham says:

    Well said, Mr Oliver. Well said.

  2. Fox Box says:

    latimer is a waste of money and time. he spends more time at the bar than doing what he was elected to do.

  3. gruffin says:

    how was this man elected?

  4. Madness says:

    Christ, what a joke, why don’t you just go down on her? what sort of news sheet is this that we’re funding? a senior writer with an obvious bias. I guess you’ll be applying for Salient Editor this year?

  5. Andrew Jameson says:

    lol getting upset over opinion pieces about student politics

  6. Jackson Wood says:


    Hey Madness. Think you can do better? Come see me in the office.

    The only bias shown by MJO here is a bias towards competence over incompetence.

    The reason why I hired MJO is because I too have a bias towards competence over incompetence.

    PS it is student politics: no one gives a fuck.

  7. Sparta says:

    Madness, it’s me.

  8. Iron Maiden says:

    Can I play with Madness?

  9. Madness says:

    Dear Fedex,

    As Jacqui mentioned at our Fedex meeting on Sunday, a petition has been put together by 10 Victoria University students to consider a motion to roll me as VUWSA President. Under the VUWSA Constitution, the names of 10 (or more) students attached to such a petition forces the VUWSA Executive to hold a Special General Meeting (SGM) for the purpose of putting forward the motion. This SGM is being held this coming Wednesday 15 July, 1pm, at the Mount Street Bar, Level 1, Student Union Building, Kelburn campus (another VUWSA Executive member, Welfare Officer Robert Latimer, will also be contesting the same motion at this SGM). The meeting must get at least 100 enrolled Victoria University students in order to achieve quorum, and at least 2/3rds of those students present must vote to ‘roll’ me for me to be removed from office. The last time anyone at VUWSA was rolled was in 1988. This may surprise you. Certainly, there are plenty of times that the VUWSA President probably should have been rolled. Such as in 2007 when President Geoff Hayward spent over $20 thousand dollars of unapproved student money on pimping out the VUWSA van. Or last year, when 2008 President Joel Cosgrove used student money to travel to Australia (under the somewhat ironic guise) of undertaking research into the state of voluntary student associations, when in reality he spent his time at two socialist junkets. By contrast, those familiar with VUWSA will know that I am a fairly popular President, certainly more so than any president VUWSA has ever had. My platform at VUWSA has been extremely public and accountable: I was elected VUWSA President on a platform of building a sustainable and accountable students’ association. I have actively worked towards achieving this every day of my term so far. I have little interest in petty politics, which helped win me personal support (and I hope, assurance that VUWSA is doing a good job) from members of political parties across the spectrum. However, my year so far has been far from easy. The Association I inherited had, to put it mildly, seen better days. Joel Cosgrove left me with a bunch of outstanding grievances from VUWSA staff members, an extremely messy collective agreement with Unite Union, and a complete lack of even the most basic organizational functions and procedures (for instance, when I started on 1 January I discovered that Joel hadn’t even checked his landline or cell phone messages since September 2008). I have now settled the grievances, the VUWSA-Unite collective, and have made steady progress towards a complete overhaul of just about every aspect of VUWSA’s governance, management, and operations. So far this has included (among other things) designing and implementing two major staffing restructures, overseeing the redevelopment of VUWSA’s Food bank service, developing and implementing VUWSA’s first ever Strategic and Operational Plan, introducing an Association Manager, and overhauling VUWSA’s class representative training. For more information you can check out my weekly work reports at Strangely, those that have put together the petition have still not really given any reasons for wanting to roll me. There have been a few murmurs on the Salient blog about me ‘spending too much money on legal fees’, and the odd mention about my ‘lack of accountability’. The latter claim is completely unfounded. As part of an initial review of how the VUWSA Executive reports on what we do and how we communicate with students I developed and implemented the following: weekly work reports by all Executive members (which are on our website; a blog function will also be added shortly), as well as monthly and quarterly reviews by all Executive members against the Strategic and Operational Plan. I have also restarted weekly Student Representative Council (SRC) meetings, which have been held every week during term time this year. These meetings provide students with a regular opportunity to pose questions of Executive members and help keep the Exec accountable to the student body. The first claim about legal fees is even more ridiculous. Granted, VUWSA has run over budget on legal fees. However, almost all (I’d say roughly 95%) of VUWSA’s 2009 legal expenditure has been as a direct result of Joel Cosgrove (and to a lesser extent, Geoff Hayward) leaving the Association in a right royal mess. You can read more about the ins and outs of this on my blog: I want to continue the work that I have already begun at VUWSA, and I really appreciate the support that NZUSA, TMA and campus president’s have provided to me concerning this. It would be appreciated if Fedex members and others who are in Wellington could attend the SGM and speak in support of me. It would also be appreciated if you could send a brief statement to me showing your support. I am happy to provide any further information should you require it.

    Regards, Jasmine Freemantle VUWSA President
    Ph: 04 463 6986 Cell: 027 563 6986

  10. Insanity says:

    Yeah… That is pretty much the same as her presidents column… What’s your point?

  11. jenn says:

    Her point ‘Insanity’, is that the silly girl has been trying to gather support from as many groups associated with students all over the country — because of her paranoia and fear that she may actually have been rolled. She knows people hate her. The Beast is well aware of that. People see through her – they just don’t do anything about it. Her ‘friends’ even see through her but their willing to carry on with the pretence so as to protect themselves from attack.The reason why many of those of the various groups she asked for support, maori, pacific, unions, student executives, other students from other tertiary institutions didn’t turn up is because few actually support this president – and those that do backstab her – but she knows this and it doesn’t worry her because she actually doesn’t need allies – most sociopaths don’t.

  12. Adam says:

    “The reason why many of those of the various groups she asked for support, maori, pacific, unions, student executives, other students from other tertiary institutions didn’t turn up is because few actually support this president – and those that do backstab her”

    I’d figure that, in fact, if those groups didn’t support Jasmine ‘The Beast’ Freemantle (I like that name, by the way, makes her sound like some sort of WWE wrestler instead of the VUWSA President she is), they would’ve actually turned up to the quorum thingy and rolled her arse, instead of, you know, not turned up. In fact, I’d say the fact that they didn’t turn up is more indicative of the overwhelming sense of apathy that the majority of students have towards student politics at their fair uni. But that’s fine. Just don’t go running around running your mouth off about things you’re clearly too worked up about to rationalise.

    Also, and I may be wrong here, and if I am, I stand corrected, but I was under the impression that students from other tertiary institutions can’t actually vote in VUWSA quantums, largely because they aren’t members of VUWSA. But, y’know, whatever makes your rhetoric sound more exciting and all that.

  13. Ricky says:

    she’s good, but nothing to write home about it would seem, but after a stream of fucking awful presidents (i dont think students realise just how bad those guys were) someone competent is gonna look like a million bucks comparatively.

    anyway roll the whole fucking exec set vuwsa on fire

  14. FACEPALM says:

    Jenn – “The reason why many of those of the various groups she asked for support, maori, pacific, unions, student executives, other students from other tertiary institutions didn’t turn up is because few actually support this president – and those that do backstab her”

    Yeah the attendance of representatives from ngai tauira, the national maori students association president, STUDiO, UniQ, LSS, all the student association presidents in the Wellington region and one from Palmerston North or some unfortunate area, the VBC, and other campus groups was a *REAL* backstab for Jasmine.

    If anything it highlighted Latimer’s lack of any support and lack of allies. He should be counting himself lucky it didnt reach 100 people. Otherwise I’m pretty sure he’d be gone.

    External people dont count for quorum, that’s why the MC made that clear, and the meeting failed to reach the 100.

  15. CRP says:

    Jenn, if you are going to spout such vitriol (having obviously not done your research – e.g. have you ever met with Freemantle? She maintains an open door policy and will speak to anyone who has concerns. She’s made this quite clear a number of times) you should really reveal who you are. In the meantime, you just look like a self righteous coward who gets off on criticising for criticism’s sake, and it’s rather pathetic.

  16. Darth Laid Her says:

    I had sex with Jenn. I nailed that slut up against the cross and crrrrrrrucified her.

  17. CRP says:

    I’m so turned on right now.

  18. T.T says:

    Thanks for this column, it’s nice, it really is. People love to hate student politicians, and in many cases not without justification. In the case of Freemantle, she has actually done a great job, and is actually COMPETENT, unlike that nut job He-Who-Must-Be-Shamed previous president. In our current situation, criticism is almost-completely without reason, especially considering the presidential precedent. Keep it up Jasmine, you’ve got my support.

  19. Jizzman says:

    Had sex with jenn did ya Darth Laid Her, turned on are you CRP? You both deserve to be gang raped.

  20. Jizzman says:

    Att FACEPALM – WRONG – we all know it was done in the typical way, secretly, furtively and with cynical self-preservation in mind. An egotistical sociopath AND EVRYBODY KNOWS IT. Profile of the Sociopath
    This website summarizes some of the common features of descriptions of the behavior of sociopaths.

  21. Jenni says:

    The Sociopath

    Glibness and Superficial Charm
    Manipulative and Conning
    Never recognize the rights of others
    See their self-serving behaviors as permissible
    Appear to many to be charming, yet are hostile and domineering, seeing their victim as merely an instrument to be used.
    They may dominate and humiliate their victims.
    Grandiose Sense of Self
    Feels entitled to certain things as “their right.”
    a pathological liar – has no problem lying coolly and easily and it is almost impossible for them to be truthful on a consistent basis.
    Can create, and get caught up in, a complex belief about their own powers and abilities. Extremely convincing.
    Lack of Remorse, Shame or Guilt
    A deep seated rage, which is split off and repressed, is at their core. Does not see others around them as people, but only as targets and opportunities. Instead of friends, they have victims and ACCOMPLICES WHO END UP AS VICTIMS. The end always justifies the means and they let nothing stand in their way.

    Shallow Emotions
    When they show what seems to be warmth, joy, love and compassion it is more feigned than experienced and serves an ulterior motive. Outraged by insignificant matters, yet remaining unmoved and cold by what would upset a normal person. Since they are not genuine, neither are their promises.

    Incapacity for Love

    Need for Stimulation
    Living on the edge. Verbal outbursts and physical punishments are normal. Promiscuity and gambling are common.

    Callousness/Lack of Empathy
    Unable to empathize with the pain of their victims, having only contempt for others’ feelings of distress and readily taking advantage of them.

    Poor Behavioral Controls/Impulsive Nature
    Rage and abuse, alternating with small expressions of love and approval produce an addictive cycle for abuser and abused, as well as creating hopelessness in the victim. Believe they are all-powerful, all-knowing, entitled to every wish, no sense of personal boundaries, no concern for their impact on others.

    Early Behavior Problems/Juvenile Delinquency
    Usually has a history of behavioral and academic difficulties, yet “gets by” by conning others. Problems in making and keeping friends; aberrant behaviors such as cruelty to people or animals, stealing, etc.

    Not concerned about wrecking others’ lives and dreams. Oblivious or indifferent to the devastation they cause. Does not accept blame themselves, but blames others, even for acts they obviously committed.

    Promiscuous Sexual Behavior/Infidelity
    Promiscuity, child sexual abuse, rape and sexual acting out of all sorts.

    Lack of Realistic Life Plan/Parasitic Lifestyle
    Tends to move around a lot or makes all encompassing promises for the future, poor work ethic but exploits others effectively.

    Criminal or Entrepreneurial Versatility
    Changes their image as needed to avoid prosecution. Changes life story readily.

  22. cum fart says:


  23. Deja Jew says:

    HOLY CRAP. That’s what I was thinking about Freemental. Thanks Jenni. I’m going to alert the EVIL SUPER VILLIANS

    It’s just fucking student politics. Who gives a fuck? Let Freemental be the king of this stinking garbage heap.

    This ship is going down. Enjoy this clip…

  24. Deja Jew says:


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