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August 17, 2009 | by  | in News | [ssba]

LOL news

Holy shit it’s spy mania!

It has recently come to light that respected Auckland University law professor Jane Kelsey has been spied on by the SIS.

Tertiary Education Union president Tom Ryan said that it appears that Professor Kelsey was spied on because of her views on New Zealand’s economic and trade policies.

“We cannot afford to have a society where the SIS is spying on academics who are simply doing their job,” Dr Ryan said.

“Our democracy will be weakened if tertiary researchers and teachers are scared off from questioning official policies in their own fields of expertise,” he said.

New Zealand Union of Students’ Associations co-president Jordan King said that it is unacceptable that the SIS may be monitoring academic staff who pose no security risk.

“[They] are instead making an important contribution to society through fostering informed debate on important issues,” King said.

Holy shit students driving to Dunedin for the weekend!

The Undie 500 is set to go ahead this year, despite Dunedin mayor Peter Chin warning organisers that the event is not welcome in the city.

In recent years the Undie 500 attracted negative publicity in the mainstream media.

The Undie 500 event has become associated with “rioting”, disorderly behaviour and “illegal fires” in the streets of Dunedin.

This year the event has a charity focus, with participants being encouraged to bring cans of food to donate to local food banks.

Students participating in the Undie 500, organised by the University of Canterbury Engineering Society, will depart from Christchurch at 12.30pm on Friday September 11, headed for their final of Dunedin.

Cars participating in the Undie 500 must cost no more than $500.

Holy shit it’s like contagious diseases!

First it was swine flu, now it’s an increase in the number of cases of meningitis.

The Dominion Post last week reported that seven people have fallen seriously ill with meningococcal disease in recent weeks.

The rise in the number of cases of meningococcal diseases has been attributed to the prevalence of flu in the community.

Medical officer of health Annette Nesdale told The Dominion Post that because people are spending a lot of time in close proximity and coughing and sneezing, meningococcal bacteria that may be at the back of the nose can be easily spread.

Health authorities have warned the public to remain alert for the symptoms of meningococcal disease.

Holy shit it’s a baby elephant stuck in a hole!

A baby elephant fell into a manhole in eastern Thailand last week.

The baby elephant’s plight was reported by various foreign media outlets, including the British tabloid The Sun, The Mail Online, and New Zealand’s own

Rescuers resorted to using a bulldozer to free the baby elephant.

The baby elephant was physically unharmed, however, Salient suspects the baby elephant may have emotional wounds that will require intensive therapy to heal.

Holy shit it’s a giraffe in space!

The Life Education Trust’s creepy puppet giraffe named Harold is getting blasted off into space.

Harold is leaving behind his Life Education Trust trailer for the zero-gravity environment of the international space station.

Harold’s trip to space coincides with the ‘Wish Upon a Star’ national art competition for five to thirteen-year-olds being run by the Life Education Trust.

The lucky winner will get a live video-link for their class with Harold and his friend, an astronaut, during Harold’s holiday at the international space station.

While Harold is on holiday, you can email questions to the space station via

Harold will be the first New Zealander to travel to space. It is also believed that Harold will be the first giraffe to visit the international space station.

Holy shit the monkey’s back in captivity!

Minty, the runaway monkey from Willowbank Park near Christchurch, is back home, safe and sound.

Willowbank Park staff were reported as saying that upon her return to the Park Minty was “cold and hungry”.

The Press reported Minty was recaptuered using a trap baited with a banana.

Rumours circulating Wellington social circles last week indicated that Minty may have been shacked up at an apartment on Willis Street with long-term boyfriend Monty Tuigamala.

“Aiza cant mayk nu cooment coz of va cwittaz coide of soilance,” Dr Tuigamala said.

Minty’s condition will be monitored by Park staff before she is reunited with her fellow monkey friends.


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Editor for 2010, politics nerd, panda fan and three-time award-winning student journalist.

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