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August 17, 2009 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Salient blind date


I am a terrible date; I dress shit and arrive late. I lose my wallet, my mind, and my memory. I’m lucky this date was blind, to be honest. When I used to think blind, I thought unfortunate, but now I’ve changed my mind. When I think blind, I think gifted. I’ve never been on a date before, therefore had nothing to expect. Only a few drinks and some small talk, I didn’t know what would happen next. She however, she was an affinity. She was kind and on time. She was Cleopatra, she was Joan of Arc. She was the stars in the sky that night.

We ordered a pizza, we ordered some drinks, and we ordered one of each on the list. I tried some champagne, and something else. I think at one point I tried to order a kiss. We not only just drunk and ate, we laughed. Possibly even danced? She told me some stories and I told her some lies. I told her all my secrets, I told her about my life. She made friends with some other patrons, and then we both made friends with the staff. I remember seeing a few people I knew too. I think I drunk a bit too much. We stayed at the bar until we got kicked out, the night could have continued for years and I don’t think I would have given a shit. It was too much fun, and I couldn’t have picked a better date myself… which could have something to do with the reason I went on it initially. My pick < Blind date. I think the next morning was not my best, getting up that early is hard enough as it is. I apologise to my students. I apologise to her, I disappeared at some point too. I apologise but there are definitely people to thank. Thanks Jackson! Thanks Garden! Thanks to her, thanks for setting up an amazing night. I’m so pleased I tried something new, and I would recommend it to anyone. You will be pleasantly surprised, just as I was. It doesn’t have to be a blind date, it’s anything. I only wish I had been a better Romeo, but maybe I’ll see you soon. Where is my wallet?


“How did one go about capturing a spunky puma kitten that was well armed with fangs and claws?”

Wednesday night.

8:25pm. Entered Garden Bar.

8:32pm. Ordered a Vodka and cranberry.

8:37pm. No sign of date.

8:45pm. Still no sign of date.

8:47pm. Tequila shot with temporary friends.

8:52pm. Getting worried. Another drink.

9:06pm. Call from Jackson. Date reportedly ‘2 min’ away. Probably another drink.

9:10pm. Date arrives. Back-up plans cancelled.

On arrival, he apologised profusely. He was at least two years my junior, and pretty cute. My inner cougar forgave him. The drinks started flowing and we ordered a pizza with mushrooms on it. My flatmate doesn’t eat mushrooms, so it felt a lot like Christmas to me. It was around this time that we uncovered Garden bar’s ‘trade secret’. Shame. I didn’t end up eating much of the pizza, and neither did my prey date. We kindly passed on some to Tristan, the bartender. After all, he probably had more charisma than both of us combined, and he made us sweet experimental drinks such as the ‘666’. Yum.

Mr Date and I talked about many things, I think. Korean cardigans, sexuality, and Palmerston North ring a bell. Before we knew it we were forced to order three dollar bubbles, as the bar tab was only $350 for the both of us. Gutted. But all was not lost. We eventually frolicked to the dance floor, all of two metres away. The apparent flirtation taking place became a tad more tangible, though my recollections are hazy. Despite this, I recall one part of the night with commendable clarity: the part where he disappeared. I must have gone off to the bathroom, and on my return, he had gone. Rough. I gathered together a search party from all four corners of the bar. We banded together in the hope of finding my date, whom I deemed charming enough to be worthy of rescue. This proved to be a challenge. Had he deliberately escaped? It turned out he was just chilling in the bathroom. I wasn’t sure for how long, but sources confirmed that he was missing for approximately an hour. God, the toilets aren’t that nice. I suppose at this point the date resumed, presumably well. He didn’t disappear again until morning. Meow!

Cheers Salient, Garden Bar + Tristan


About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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