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September 7, 2009 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

The Big Gig…

So I am a bit of a gig hussy, right (Meaning I get around the gigs around the Wellington district).

As I’m the roadie/time manager/party manager to hillbilly, sometimes bearded, toe tapper’s John the Baptist, and supporter/friend of the ever increasing in skill, style and intensity the Novelist, I found myself fluctuating betwixt both Bodega and the Fringe Bar at the same time. Lucky for my broke student ass they were all really good sports and put me on the door at both; thanks lads. I arrived at my first destination of the night, Bodega, and got talking to a lass at the front and said, “Man, what a night. I’ve got two gigs that I gotta be at tonight. I’m knackered,” and thus began my discourse…

Man, I wish I was omnipresent…

OMNIPRESENCE: (being able to be everywhere at once, but for the sake of the space time continuum, and finite minds and my 800 word limit, we will just imagine just one of the replicas of myself present in each scenario, but just understand that I am in all places at once), I could be at both gigs at the same time. I could be enjoying a sifty beer at one while still holding a conversation with someone about the strange iceberg that appeared in Oriental bay at the other. It would be groovy. But then I thought, “Hmmm, hang on a minute, if I was omnipresent, after a while people would want me to visit them everywhere (because I’m soooo popular), and I would begin to find myself becoming even more knackered. Hmmm, this won’t do.” So, that led me to the logical conclusion that I would need an infinite amount of energy (have you noticed the rise of energy drinks of late? Seems the hustle and bustle requires even more fuel these days, I guess. Slow down people; hang out in Thorndon or something).

So yes, I would also need omnipotence…

OMNIPOTENCE: (unlimited strength) So now I’m practically a superhero at best. I’m omnipresent and omnipotent. But then I thought, “Hmmm, this won’t do either. Soon I will become quite the global celebrity and be tireless like Andrew W.K., yet I would still, however, not be that smart, and might start turning up in the wrong situations and being taken advantage of because of superhero nature,” which led me to the logical follow on that:

I would need to be omniscient…

OMNISCIENCE: (knowing all). So now I would be omnipresent, omnipotent and omniscient.

Then I would be a god, I guess. But the conclusion I reached was that I would probably get either bored or over-burdened by the demands of humanity. Perhaps it’s probably best that I just have this body, with its limits of time and space and this amount of strength. So, I will just keep up on the energy drink intake and settle for this amount of brain capacity, which is definitely limited. What is it? Ten percent? And we hardly even use that much? (I feel like I use up well over my daily quota when I’m doing a crash course on Chomsky and the media or British imperialism for that matter. I never learn.) In reflection of all this I think we will find that our limits in this frail frame, as opposed to the fantasy of having super godlike powers, are really an apt fit for this Space Time Continuum Transfunctioner; a very powerful and mysterious device—its mystery is only exceeded by its power. ZOLTAN!

This past wee while over the holidays *ahem* I mean, study break, I have found it incredibly hard to do nothing, yet at the same time I feel like I should be doing something. I guess it’s about finding that “happy medium”.

I’ll end with a quote.

“The hardest thing about doing nothing is that you don’t know when you’re finished, and the hardest thing about trying to do everything is that you never will finish.”
If you want a reference for the above quote then I’m sorry reader, I’ve had my fair share of MLA.

You’re just gonna have to trust me.

Happy settling back into the swing of things all you semi-gods.

Sincerely present,


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  1. Haha, you are one of the only writers that can hold my attention through the whole post dude – I love it!

    Looking forward to tomorrow night!

    Party On

    Jimmy James

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