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April 26, 2010 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Salient rates: Places to pick up at uni

We here at Salient like to think we’re pretty alright when it comes to winning over the opposite sex. Writing for a student magazine gives you endless amounts of street cred, not to mention you very quickly start oozing sex appeal.* With such scoring prowess, we thought it best to share some of the love around. Not to mention, you really need to get a move on with your search for a winter spoon, otherwise all the good ones will be taken. This week Salient rates places to pick up at uni.

*This may in fact be a completely fabricated statement. It is highly likely that some Salient staff members have not seen any action in months. The prospects are not looking good. This makes for a very fraught office environment.

Murphy overbridge 4/10

There are often a large number of people lying seductively on the couches on the overbridge. We’re not sure if this indicates that they want to pick up. Probably not. In any case, most people lying seductively on the Overbridge are absorbed in their Dom Post/laptop/readings/Salient. Prise the reading/viewing material out of their hands and maybe they’ll be keen for a pash?

Potential conversation starters: anime, LOL news in Salient this week.

Design School Library 7/10

Opinions in the Salient office vary as to pick-up-a-bility at the Te Aro campus. Kelburnites walk in the doors and think they’ve entered Babecity, but perhaps the novelty has worn off for all those who hang out down there 24/7. In any case, if you’re from another campus, go and sit yourself in the Design library for a few hours of serious ‘study’.

Potential conversation starters: buildings (architecture students), chairs (industrial students), trees (landscape), designer clothing (interior students). 

The quad 2/10

The quad is, most of the time, a desolate, deserted wasteland. Unless construction workers or smokers are your thing.

Potential conversation starters: “Can I have a smoke?”, “How do you actually build a building?”, “Can I buy you a pie?”.

Tutorials 9/10

There are fewer people in tutorials say, compared to lectures, so you have a better chance of getting cosier with whoever it may be that has caught your fancy. It is okay to change tutes in order to pursue your crush. Group work, or even better, work in pairs, presents you with ample opportunities to try out your best pick up lines. It gets a little complicated if your crush is your tutor.

Potential conversation starters: your marks from your latest assignment, something you “don’t quite understand” from your last class and need clarification on.

The cemetery 1/10

Quiet, dark, secluded. Apparently people have sex there. Or get high. I guess this would get a higher rating if you’re into sex in cemeteries or getting high.

Potential conversation starters: marijuana, the broken headstones.

Postgrad Cybercommons 6/10

Actually seen this happen. Well, heard it happen. Honours classes are quite tight. Everyone gets quite cosy, all those long hours stuck in a confined space writing essays. Something is bound to happen. Probably with the person you least expect. The other option is, of course, to hit on someone who is studying something completely different to what you are. This could of course be a beneficial option in terms of ensuring you always have something to talk about.

Potential conversation starters: “Can I have some of your Red Bull?”, “How the fuck do I write this conclusion, help me please?”

The letters pages in Salient 10/10

Putting pen to paper and sharing your tale of loneliness, desperation and sexual frustration with the world (okay, fellow Salient readers) is one sure-fire way of picking up. Put your email address at the bottom of the letter and encourage people to reply, or apply, to be your next mate. We’ve heard there’s a relatively good success rate in terms of people getting some action out of a letter they sent. Also, there seems to be an influx of people requiring winter spoons—you gotta be in to win.

Potential conversation starters: “Do you always read the letters in Salient?”, “Wanna make out?”


About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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