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September 27, 2010 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

The Lonely Lynx

Most birds have feathers on the inside and as a result look exactly the same when turned inside out.

The Lynx is basically a household cat, but awesomer. If the Lynx was a person, I’m pretty sure that we’d be pretty good friends. They have a great sense of fashion. They have a ruff that resembles a bow tie. Bow ties are cool. Their ears, as you can see, have these amazing tufts coming out of them, which make them look like a drawing by a drug-addled 14-year-old Tolkien fan in the 1970s of their animus. It is with a degree of irony that Lynx-branded deodorant advertises itself on how attractive it makes the wearer, because the lynx is a very solitary animal. They often grow up in single parent households, seeing their fathers every other weekend at most. The lynx hunts food much larger than itself—like deer or chamois (whatever they are)—so it’s a tough little bruiser that you’d need to keep an eye on. You think it’s annoying when the cat stains the kitchen lino by bringing you a decapitated lizard as a present? Imagine how fucked off you’d be if you came home to find a rotting goat carcass beside the TV.

Sloths are not the only animals named after a deadly sin. The Gluttony Bear and Envy Slug are other examples.

Butterflies are not an acceptable substitute for either butter or flies.


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