“The thing you’ve gotta remember is this—first the worst, second the best. And Critic is obviously the worst”—an unnamed member of the Salient staff sums up the office mood in the wake of the ASPA Awards.

The ASPA Awards are, without doubt, the biggest event on the student media calendar.

This year the awards were held at Romfords in Auckland, requiring Salient to embark on pretty much the longest road trip ever in the VUWSA van. All our pre-planned, pre-booked accommodation fell through. Hamilton gave everyone (ok, maybs just Sarah) the creeps. We raged with van fever. We bought a lot of Red Bull and blue Powerade. Auckland was sunny.

There were highs, there were lows; there were winners, there were losers; there was pashing, there was vom. And then there was Salient.

Most babein’ girl: Julia Hollingsworth, 2011 Critic Editor. So babein’. Please let Salient and Critic be friends again next year.

Most babein’ boy: Seb Boyle, Canta. A real gentleman, and he looked sharp. Sorry Ben, we do not care for your Hugo Boss suit.

Holy shit, I can’t believe you scrub up that well: Valentine Watkins and Matthew Harnett. Babes.

David Farrier: Best ASPA host ever. Even though the murder/suicide story was slightly misjudged.

Drinks: Wine. Lots of wine. People hoarding wine. People stealing wine from other tables. God! We love wine.

Food: Apparently the calamari was amazing. People may have been too drunk to realise there were vegetarian options and starved.

Fairfax: Wasn’t there. Lol.

Pashing: Occurred.

Daylight savings: The worst thing ever. Unless you’re Molly.

Uther Dean: Best award of the night.

Lauren’s mum: Coming to pick her up early.

The floor: Was where a third of Team Salient spent a vast proportion of their night.

Sarah Robinson: A creepy marriage of 2006 and 2010 Salient or something more sinister? Also, love the YHA.

On Babelient: “Look at us, we’re so babein’… and Uther.”

Elle Hunt on fake cigarettes: “I don’t care if you die of lung cancer as long as you stop smoking those.” (they smell like… chemical death in a burnt hair factory).

Hats: The policeman’s falling off.

On being valued by your boss: “Sarah doesn’t value us!” “My knee’s bleeding! AAAAAH!”

Joe McCrory: Tripped over nothing while Farrier was announcing an award. He fell into the wall. It was awesome.

Val’s waistcoast: Was pretty much the coolest item of clothing out.

Sirens: Haunted Elle all day on Sunday.

Elle’s reaction to the siren: Classic.

Crushes: Juliette has one. And she has a plan.

Golf: Molly’s new hobby. Probably.