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February 28, 2011 | by  | in News | [ssba]

Greens See Red After Blue Call Them Yellow

The New Zealand Green Party have expressed outrage at allegations made by boy band Blue that the Greens are ‘yellow—bellied cowards’. This name-calling came in reaction to their hesitancy to take a stronger stance against the proposed erection of a new penal institution in Paraparaumu.

The new prison is due to be erected in the middle of the high-end fashion district in Paraparaumu, which will force olive the retail outlets to mauve from that street and be marooned in surrounding areas.

The Green Party were expected to oppose the proposed change to the Penal Act 1948 in Parliament, but surprisingly voted for the changes advanced by the National Party’s Minister of Corrections, Chris Burgundy. “We just done plum got fed up with people convicted of violet crimes being released on parole early because there isn’t enough room in the correctional facilities,” rambled Burgundy, well known for his strong position against blue- and off-white-collar crimes.

“We do need prisons, we can’t keep looking at the world through rose-tinted glasses, and while I realise that our stance may come as a shock to some of our more hardcore supporters, orange you glad we haven’t caved on our main campaign promises?” Green leader and so-called “brown noser” Pat Mustard suggested gingerly.

Blue, a boy band popular in the late nineties, have taken a particular interest in New Zealand politics under the misconception that political activism will revitalise their rusted career. Tealingly, the group’s focus is less on the prisons, and more on the limelight.

“There is no gray area here—the Greens are violating the promises they made in the last election.” said Paraparaumu mayor, Amber Hurley. She has support from local iwi, with prominent community leader Ma Whero staunchly opposing the construction. “We’ve got a silver of hope, and right now we’re just cyan what we can do to make this whole thing work for everybody.”

“Yeah you get a lot of people saying stuff like ‘oh Paraparaumu’s a weird place name’,” said local indigonant resident with a pink rouge rising in her hardly tan cheeks, Jess Brown, “but that shouldn’t mean that the fuchsia of Paraparaumu is a prison town. Imagenta that! Surely there is some ochre way for this town to remain in the black—can’t we just go back to the good old days and force these crims to join the navy?”

A pale local goth enthusiast, Ebony Chartreuse, is more enthused by the project, saying that a local prison “would be totally mint, I love a bad boy—midoris always open!”

Overall, Burgundy is trying to remain calm about the situation. “Though I feel like I’m walking on eggshells here, I don’t want to upset the community, noir do I want to disrupt anyone’s life.

At the end of the day, though, I can’t let their feelings colour my objective view of the situation.”

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Comments (3)

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  1. I was horified to read that a new prison is contemplated for Paraparaumu. I shall white to the Government immediately.

  2. Margaret Davis says:

    My gorge rose when I red this. It gets anil score from me.

  3. Rowdy says:

    That isnight solves the problem. Thanks!

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