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March 7, 2011 | by  | in Music | [ssba]

How to Avoid Being Disappointed by Every Musician You Have Ever Loved

Being an obsessive music fan is a harsh existence. Almost everyone whose songs you love will one day disappoint you to the point that you will develop something of a rage towards what they have become. Some manage to avoid this and continue their greatness into old age but for every Nick Cave there are one hundred Weezers. Scores of musicians have suffered falls from grace but the crowning exemplar is the Beach Boys, who have the power to ruin your very soul by way of two videos readily available on YouTube.

The first is of the Beach Boys playing ‘I Get Around’ live on UK TV show Ready Steady Go! in 1964. They are introduced as inventors of ‘the surfing sound’. The band all wear matching striped shirts and Brian Wilson, who plays bass, sings falsetto, and writes all the songs (what a guy!), stands centre stage. Singer Mike Love bounces around awkwardly during various close-ups but it’s endearing because the whole band is just so young and innocent.

Now enter the horror. It is 1980. The original lineup remains but the band has become a stadium-rock abomination and ‘I Get Around’ is being butchered. A close up on Mike Love reveals a grizzled beard streaked with grey, a dirty white trucker hat hiding his rapidly balding head and cold, vacant eyes. Their harmonies are still pitch perfect but everything that made those geeky, all-American boys great has been replaced by creepy looking men wearing white bell-bottoms, leather jackets, and Hawaiian shirts.

And this will happen to almost every musician you will ever like. But do not fear. A bastion of never ending good times lies within a category of musician I haven’t yet mentioned; those who died before they could fall off.

So you could be a realist about things and just accept that musicians are real people. Or you could just listen to artists like Buddy Holly, because Buddy never gets bad. He just dies in a horrible plane crash.


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Comments (5)

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  1. Jamesss says:

    Did this bloated FB status update actually go to print? Jesus Christ

  2. Clement McBigglewaddle says:

    I liked it. I was real sad when Britney did the velour tracksuit stint for 3 years. Too true.

  3. smackdown says:

    i will neva be disappointed by the beatles thanks mate

  4. Peter Manglethwaite says:

    Hey smackdown. What’s up?

  5. Don’t be stuck in the past, this is the future of music and I am prrrroud

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