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May 2, 2011 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Ask Constance

Hey CC!
I’m not gonna beat around the bush for this. I don’t know if/when I orgasm during sex! When I masturbate, I use clit play, (hardly ever finger) and I’ll orgasm. But with sex, I just don’t know if I do or not. I feel the pressure building. And I feel fine after intercourse. But I don’t actually know whether I’ve orgasmed. I feel as if I’m “faking”, but I’m not doing it on purpose… I dunno if this makes sense at all, but. Help? :/
Confused nympho.

Nympho, welcome to the club. The club which consists of 75% of women who can’t orgasm from vaginal sex alone.

Trust me when I say that’d you would know if you were coming, and the fact that you’re unsure means you’re probably not.
You’re not faking (unless you’re yelling “I’M COMING” from the top of your lungs), because feeling the pressure building means you’re probably somewhere fun on the climax mountain, just not at the top. This is totally okay.

If you have your heart set on coming during sex, then try and introduce some clit play while you’re fucking. Or help your partner to last longer and see where that building pressure eventually takes you. You can do that by getting them off in foreplay first (round two is usually longer), or by taking the sex a bit slower. Also, try a vibrating cock ring with a clit piece.

However, if you’re happy to make peace with the fact that you might not be able to come from vaginal sex, then the world is still your sexy oyster. Make foreplay longer and sexier, with heaps of head and clit play so that you might come before the vaginal sex. Or, why don’t you show your partner how you masturbate so they can pick up on your preferred technique, and it doubles as a sexy show. Throw in nipple pasties for extra effect. Or don’t.
Orgasms are fantastic, but not everyone comes from shared sexual encounters—let’s face it, most of us get really used to our own unique way of doing it ourselves. It can be really hard to adjust to someone else’s attempts, but with patience and guidance you can get there – at least in foreplay. Relying on the ‘in-out-in-out’ of vaginal sex for an orgasm when most of your nerve endings are in your clit doesn’t cut it for many women. So don’t feel disheartened—just get creative.

The other thing to remember is that if you get too focussed on coming, it might stress you out and put you off. So, focus on having fun, and seeing where it takes you, instead of chasing an orgasm.


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  1. Merp says:

    I feel a lot better knowing it’s 75% of us! Sheesh.

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