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August 8, 2011 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Ask Constance

Dear Constance Cravings,
I am a young woman whose had one simple dream since she turned 16: to have a mmf threesome. People say it shouldn’t be too hard to find two guys looking for a good time, but the thing is, I’d like them to be just as into each other as they are into me. And I’d like it to be a long-term thing. Drama-free, if that’s romantically possible.
After ten years, I think it’s time I lived the dream, but I don’t know how to go about it. I’ve looked at the internet, and now you’re my last resort. How can I initiate an mmf threesome? (Or mfm threesome, depending on how we feel at the time.)
Whenever I suggest to guys in bars that they should do each other, they look at me funny. I don’t understand why, as two gorgeous men making love is probably the second most beautiful thing in the world.

Ladyface, try and widen your social circle and experiences. Don’t expect to find a Dudes Who May Possibly Like Other Dudes Club, because I’m pretty sure that doesn’t exist (though that would be awesome). Maybe just start finding out about queer social/dating groups and queer events—go along, make some friends and see where it takes you. Take risks and go to things you wouldn’t usually attend, join in on groups you wouldn’t usually join in on, and just generally widen your networks.

I wouldn’t go out purely to scout for threesome participants (probs not the best social etiquette) but if you are interested in making new friends then you may get the added bonus of some new experiences, too.

Also, investigate swingers clubs. I’m pretty sure there are bi guys involved, and while it may facilitate sexual experiences more than long-term relationships (though I’m sure those happen too), that is definitely one space where you can be up front about your fantasy without people judging.

Also, if you make guy friends who are straight but open-minded, I don’t see the harm in having an open honest chat about your fantasy to them and asking if they’d be keen to give it a go with you. You’re all on the same level of experience with this (that is, none) and if you framed it as a “why the fuck not? If we hate it, we quit, but it could be a bit of fun” I am sure you will start to plant some seeds of interest.


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  1. Andrew says:

    Hi Constance, I noticed that with some of your articles the people in them are often finding similar thoughts to myself and looking for similar things. is it possible to get in contact with some of the people who write to you?

  2. Constance Cravings says:

    Hey Andrew, well there’s an idea! Maybe one day I’ll start a classifieds section! What you can do is post on with your email or something if and hopefully the writer of this question will see it and contact you. Everyone is anon so I can’t contact them myself sorry.

    The only criteria for my assistance is that you let me know if all goes well so I can feel pleased with myself for facilitating some hot sex x

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