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October 2, 2011 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Peas & Queues

Dear Auntie Shaz and Dr Quaffer,
I’m about to embark on an adventure around Asia—I’ve got $1000, a backpack full of clothes, a ticket to Bangkok, and no plans. What’s the best fun I can have?
Thanks, Jeff.

Dear Jeff,

Dr Quaffer here. Well, a grand can go quite far in South East Asia. It all depends on what you mean by “fun”. There are spots where you can fire an AK47 whilst getting a hand job for around US$20 and that usually does include at least one free drink. But it all comes down to what you enjoy.

While in Bangkok, I do recommend hitting the Forensics Museum. They have a wonderful collection of pickled bodies from Thai murders on display, as well as some elaborate tattooed skins stretched and back-lit after being removed from notable dead gangsters. Very entertaining stuff.

The first time I went to that part of the world I was young and up to party. If you’re keen on that, hit the islands! To writhe with other half-naked travelers under the winking gaze of a full moon to booming trance in an orgy of cheap booze, ecstasy and insect repellant has its merits.

If you’re up for lurking in a bit of jungle, maybe head south to Sumatra or Borneo. Both are very beautiful and easy to get to.

For a bit of old slack-jaw awe, Angkor Wat is the one. The ancient Khmer city is not just amazing Jeff, it is amazingly amazing. Also whilst in Cambodia maybe take a romantic stroll through the Killing Fields.

Head north to the Golden Triangle and smoke a bit of opium if you’re keen, then head east through Laos floating down the Mekong for scenic, rural bliss all the way to the Delta in Vietnam, or maybe head west and do a chaotic road trip to India.

My honest advice, Jeff, is to get off the plane and head for Khaosan Road, drop your bag off at a guest house and go out and sniff the air. Talking to other travellers who are doing the same as you will also inspire. No plans means freedom.

Travelling can be kind, cruel, fun and harrowing. You can be drinking top-shelf one minute then asked for money by a child-slave the next.

Jeff, just remember never carry drugs on you, always drink bottled water and if someone seems a little too friendly you are probably going to lose something.
But have a great time! Don’t be too careful, be a bit reckless, get amongst it, taste it.

Yours sincerely,
Dr. Quaffer, Head of The Virago Libation Front


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