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April 2, 2012 | by  | in News | [ssba]

News on the March

The world this week

☛ In a valiant attempt to crack down on the filthy pornography tearing apart the pious soul of Indonesia, the nation’s religious affairs minister declares a moratorium on the wearing of mini-skirts–as they are the cause of “a lot of rape”. Meanwhile, thousands take to the streets to protest entrenched government corruption.

☛ In a rare papal Caribbean bender, Pope Benedict XVI declares the 50 year old US trade sanctions on Cuba anathema in exchange for a debauched afternoon of anti- capitalist yarns with local overlord Mr Fidel Castro himself. He’s still not letting Africa wear condoms though– cheeky Benny!

☛ In protest to racial profiling and the murder of Trayvon Martin, Democratic congressman Bobby Rush dons a hoodie on the floor of Congress. Republicans freak out, ostensibly because hoodies always conceal weapons, and he is ejected from the floor.

☛ President Obama is recorded whispering furtively to Russian President Dmitry Medvedev that the Russians should give him space to get his shit sorted until after he wins the November Presidential election. Republicans are outraged at Obama’s honesty.

☛ A Picton bus driver narrowly escapes minor injury as an 11-year-old boy throws a rock at the school bus. The driver declares its about goddamn time somebody told those meddling kids to get off the streets and go to class.


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