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September 10, 2012 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Roxy Heart

Help me Roxy, recently I have been experimenting with myself. It all started after I was in the shed working with my fathers tools the other day. As I was working I noticed a pornographic calender and started to become aroused. In this moment of distraction I managed to injure my thumb. The pain really added to my arousal and since this time I have been finding it impossible to masturbate without inflicting pain upon myself. I’m getting really worried as every time I masturbate I am experimenting with more severe forms of pain/mutilation, I don’t know how much further I will feel I need to take this. Will this mean I can no longer have sex without involving pain? Is this normal for me to become aroused by pain, because I haven’t experienced anything as natural feeling as masturbating while pushing my pain limits. Help me.

While Roxy can’t help but raise an eyebrow at the origin of the writer’s fetish, she relishes the chance to talk about S&M. Being the accepting and adventurous girl she is, Roxy embraces the many ways sexuality can express itself. As long as it doesn’t involve children or corpses, people should feel comfortable doing whatever makes them happy, and screw the haters. The basic coupling of pain and arousal is common, and there’s generally nothing wrong with it. Lots of people enjoy being spanked, having their nipples twisted, and having their physical limits tested. There’s something primal and exhilarating about pain.

The juxtaposition of pleasure and pain is a potent chemical cocktail, and it is one that can be extremely intoxicating.

Some people take this very far. CBT, i.e. “cock and ball torture”, in the BDSM community can get extreme. Ballbusting, for example, can involve a guy’s balls being kicked or punched, and there are examples of people putting nails through their scrotums, or even cutting and deforming their penises. Those tired of peaceful sleeping should feel free to Google “penile subincision”, or “genital bisection”: operations that have both long cultural traditions, and are also extremely freaky-weird. Of course, as long as they’re not hurting anyone else it’s hard to say what they’re doing is wrong, but Roxy does have a few reservations.

First, extreme self-harm can be dangerous. Anything that involves blood can lead to infections, and violent treatment of your man- bits (and lady parts) can result in complications that permanently harm your sexual or baby- making capacities. Doing yourself irreversible damage in the heat of the moment doesn’t seem like a great idea, and Roxy strongly advises subs and those playing with pain to be careful they don’t take it too far and put themselves at serious risk.

Second, this sort of extreme sexual behaviour lends itself to habit-formation, which means more and more extreme forms of self-harm are used to try and keep it exciting. This is where things can get dangerous, and even when they don’t only being turned on by extreme pain may drastically limit the number of potential fuck-buddies in your life. Roxy thinks boundary pushing should have limits, and it’s often a good idea to take a step back and cool it for a while. If you can deny yourself the pain you’re used to, you may find when you come back to it you can start again from a lower level, which may put you in a more comfortable place. Try exploring other aspects of your sexuality, still incorporating low levels of pain perhaps, but without the singular drive towards more extreme behaviour.

Overall though, Roxy does think it’s totally cool to enjoy pain-play, but like everything, it should be done in moderation. The moment you feel yourself losing control, or you find yourself taking risks that you later regret, you need to ease up, and if you can’t, that’s when you start needing to reach out to those around you for some help and support.

<3 Roxy


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