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March 11, 2013 | by  | in News | [ssba]



Tehran authorities have been fighting giant mutant rats with snipers, reports from the islamic nation of Iran say. The rats are believed to have mutated through exposure to radiation and chemical substances, though Salient suspects the phenomena is a plague sent by Allah to punish Iran for the promiscuity of Western women. Rats have been weighed at five kilograms, with some rats larger than cats. As of last week 2205 rats had been killed, joining an estimated 158,760 virgin rats in heaven.


An american mathematics student has solved a rubik’s Cube while juggling, in what has been described as a successful contraceptive endeavour. The exercise was designed to prevent Ravi Fernando, who performs as ‘Sir Ravi The Juggler’, from appealing to women for an extended period of time. Reports indicate an early success, with results “possibly permanent”, according to female onlookers. Fernando remains alone to deftly finger something else.


A new york man faces 30 days in jail and a $500 fine after laughing so loudly in his own home that a neighbour called the police. The man has frequent seizures—a result of neurological impairments— which he claims his neighbour taunts him about, calling him “retard” and mocking his speech and gait. “he just ridicules me all the time and the only thing i can come up with is laughing,” the man told
reporters. not laughing any more, are you?


Chroflis McLolntyre


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