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March 25, 2013 | by  | in News | [ssba]

Lol News

DULUX ANTIQUE WHITE SAVIOUR GLOSS ENAMEL

In an exciting and important update to an archived Lol News item (holi shit! holy shit: Christ’s image appears in bird shit; Issue 1, pg 13), the Son of God appeared in the drop cloth of a Massachusetts painter last week. Brian Krantz dirtied the drop-cloth after spray-painting shutters, but did not recognise the Saviour for four years. Yahweh, a “jealous god” (Exodus 34:14), is expected to smite Krantz accordingly for his negligent attention.

YOU DON’T SEA THIS EVERY DAY

Motorists in Balneário Camboriú, Brazil, were given a shock recently as a sea lion used a road crossing at a busy inner-city intersection. Sea lions weigh up to a ton, and can reach nine metres in length. The confused creature was led back to the ocean, and was presumably very late for dinner. Salient draws (cute) parallels to the cat who uses the zebra crossing on Salamanca rd, near the Cable Car.

IF YOU CAN’T BEAM ‘EM, SHIRT ‘EM.

A mother who tried to send her kids to school wearing T-shirts saying “bully” and “thief ” was stopped by the school, located in Fort Morgan, Colorado. The woman had “run out of options” to curb her children’s bad behaviour, and saw the shirts as the answer to her own poor parenting. Both of the children, aged eight and nine, were made fun of by their classmates. The children’s father could not be reached for comment.

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