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March 25, 2013 | by  | in Features | [ssba]

Long, Black and Handsome

M. Magdalene

The first time I saw him, I just knew he was the one for me. He answered my prayers every morning, with honour and grace, without delay or question. He looked like God, standing there behind the coffee counter at Vicbooks, with a halo glowing above his head of perfectly unkempt brown hair. It was a fluorescent light. I named him Googly Eyes, because his eyes hold the answer to every question, even when I spell something wrong. They’re also just a bit googly.

I still get shivers when I think about the way he would stare deep into my eyes when he handed me my Soy Mocha to go. I don’t even like Mochas. but the colour of the coffee reminds me of his warm, soulful eyes. Sometimes I’d ‘accidentally’ brush my hand against  his, just to get a sense of what it would be like to be touched by an angel. I used to get so overwhelmed by his presence that I felt faint and forgot where I was. One sip of that coffee, and I was grounded again.

When times are hard, I close my eyes and chant his mantra–“Soy Mocha, one sugar”–until I can feel every cell in my body and see other beautiful
dimensions, where I swim in a sea of Mocha; where. instead of sand, there is a beach of chocolate powder, where whales spout steamed milk,
and warmth pours down from those glorious googly eyes. The longer I meditate the more I see. Sometimes I see Googly Eyes isn’t just floating in the sky: he’s nailed to a cross made of wooden coffee stirrers. Mocha leaks from his hands and feet. I weep.

The day I first saw Googly Eyes, I looked him up on Facebook. I check it every day in case he changes his profile picture. I live in hope that he will share some more of himself with me when he thinks I’m ready. His account is pretty private, but I did see that he’s a member of We Hate Taylor Swift, so I’ve given her up until Easter. It’s really hard for me, because I love her so so much. I want him to know how serious, and how dedicated to him I am. Mum’s really proud because she thinks it’s for LEnt, and she’s a devout Catholic. I suppose it’s a Lent of sorts.  Googly Eyes Lent. My friends are all so cynical and refuse to keep the faith. I’m also going on a diet! I’m having only one meal per day until he returns. I’ll look so great that he won’t be able to resist. I just pray he notices. I have a printout of his current profile pic stuck to my bedroom mirror. Sometimes at night I light a candle, burn some incense, and just look at him, whispering “soy mocha” until the words lose their meaning and I enter a trance-like state.

There are several other girls, and guys for that matter, who I know are equally obsessed with Googly Eyes. I don’t mind though. It’s so nice to meet up once a week and discuss what we like about him, how we can be more like him, and what he would do if he were in our positions. I love singing Googly Eyes’ praises with my brothers and sisters. I know it’s what he’d want, beacuse he’s a really social guy. He has lots of friends on Facebook, even more followers on Twitter.

He left Vicbooks a little while ago, but thankfully there’s another guy that gently repeats his words to me every day. This keeps me going until Googly Eyes returns one day. I hope he will come back for me. I head a rumour that he’ll be resurrected, I mean reinstated, at the Vicbooks coffee counter, around Easter. I’d really like to see him work that steam wand some time. In my bedroom. If I ever see him again, I’ll tell him “I like the way you work it, no diggity, fill my coffee cup.”

I’m out of my head, hopelessly devoted to Googly Eyes.


About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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