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March 4, 2013 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Politics (Left) – 2013: Year of the Snake

Despite the opportunity to start the year with decisive leadership, Key failed to shed the metaphorical skin from his serpentine Cabinet. The skin in this situation being one H. Parata. Key could have benefitted from sending Parata to the back of the classroom over the school closure/Novopay fiasco, in doing so gaining back some confidence from Christchurch residents and teachers. National will be haunted by novopay and school closures throughout the year. Consistently on the back foot, they will struggle to release any positive policy that could help them in 2014.


Following Cunliffe’s dishonourable discharge, Shearer is showing that he is prepared to make bold decisions, but clearly has a huge way to go to solidify himself in the minds of Kiwis as the next Prime Minister. With the first assets to be sold this year Labour will continue to ride the wave of public hatred of the mixed ownership model, but needs to be careful to keep the pressure on the Government from all angles. Positive policies are sure to keep coming, as they did last year in the form of KiwiBuild, jobs and education, ensuring Labour doesn’t become the party of “no”. With polls tracking in Labour’s favour, it’s their year to lose.


Having gained some rather impressive traction with policies which strayed away from the classic “omg da earth” dialogue, the Greens will continue to position themselves as the true left. They have learned from the clumsy quantitative easing announcement and have appealed to New Zealanders with a very relevant housing policy. Going into 2013 we could see the Greens emerge as an ever more viable party of government.


Leadership issues will continue to quietly plague the two headed taniwha at the helm of the Maori Party. The party’s stance on asset sales will find them either alienating themselves further from Maori voters or alienating themselves from the Beehive as the first assets go on the block later this year. It remains to be seen whether Hone will take inspiration from 2013’s namesake and snake his way into the top job of his former party.

NZ First

Winston will sack his entire caucus and asexually reproduce to fill the seats.

United Future

Dunne will debut approximately 16 more bow ties, quietly obsess over taxation and continue to hold the Government’s slim majority together.


Mega. Cabbage boats. Tea cups. Christ knows what’s coming.


Carla Marx


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