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March 5, 2013 | by  | in News | [ssba]

Stay Classy, World

In true Catholic fashion, the Pope has ‘pulled out’ before finishing. In a departure from the regular papal modus operandi, the Pope has neglected to go full-term. Salient predicts His Holiness will settle down and start a family.

Oscar Pistorius went from being the Fastest Man on No Legs to the Fastest Man facing No Bail last week, as he fights murder charges after the death of his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp. Commentators predict Pistorius will have no leg to stand on in court.

Fresh off a successful nuclear test, North Korea threatens “final destruction” of its southern neighbours. The global community wave their arms about a bit, and in typically understated fashion North Korean media report the serpent-demon South has already been defeated by the great dragon fist of Kim Jong-un. North Korean head of state Eternal President Kim Il-sung did not respond to Salient’s request for comment, probably because he’s been dead for 19 years.

Journalists at the New York Times appear to be as susceptible to those “lol look at this picture I found of you” links as everyone else, falling prey to an army of Chinese cyberwarriors over the last few months. Numerous American companies were also hacked, including Facebook and Twitter. A security firm ties the Times hacking to a state sponsored group, who are, no shit, known as the “Comment Crew”.  China, backed by a stellar history of open, transparent government, denies involvement.

A solution to a problem was found by researchers last week. New findings indicated a previously unknown phenomenon was due to a variety of factors. Follow-up studies are expected to reveal trends over time.


About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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