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July 22, 2013 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Things That Go Bump in the Night

I live with a real bro flatmate who keep bringing skanky girls home from god knows and having extremely loud sex with them. i’m not into deep male groaning + ballslaps . how to address and is it ok to tell them to keep it down? maybe some tips to leave flatmates undisturbed while having good times

I myself am guilty of being both the flatmate subject to these night-time noises, and the one creating them, much to my flatmates’ disgust. Obviously your flatmate has a vibrant sex life that they are enjoying immensely, and that is totally cool – it just sucks when it starts to interrupt your life. If it is bothering you in your own home, by all means tell him to keep it down. Chances are he doesn’t fancy giving the whole house a testicular-percussion experience either, and doesn’t even realise you can hear as much as you can.

You’re going to get the best response if you take a tack that is non-confrontational and doesn’t embarrass him or his partners, because it sucks to feel like you’re being censored in your own home. Have a chat to him in private, one-on-one, and say that the sound of his balls have been keeping you up at night. Explain that it’s your home too, and sometimes, despite wanting to bang at full volume, you have to be respectful of those with whom you share close quarters. Suggest maybe he should play some tunes to drown out his moans of ecstasy if the time of day permits, or perhaps biting down on a pillow if he can’t keep his mouth shut, and reserving full-volume sexy time for when there’s no one else home. If this still fails to reward you with any silence, maybe you should invest in some earplugs/headphones, move out, or maybe better yet, give him a taste of his own medicine.

Before I sign off, I do have a little additional advice for you: referring to the women your mate decides to bring home as ‘skanky’ likely says a whole lot more about yourself than if does your flatmate, or his partners. Check yo’ self; slut-shaming ain’t good for no thang.

Lux you long time xx


I think I might be into being strangled but a lot of people find that weird. How do I broach it with sex partners? Is it unsafe?

Broaching a subject like this will be different with every person, and it’s not always easy. Provided your partners are decent people, the worst they can say is no, they’re not into it, but I’d still be a little cautious, perhaps approaching it by talking about anything else kinky you’re into (if there is anything) and steering the conversation towards, “Do you reckon you could be into strangling?” If they react badly then you can say, “Yeah, I’m not sure either, I was just curious to see what you thought”, if you’re nervous about them knowing.

Ideally, even if they’re not into it, you’d still be able to reply ‘yes’ if they asked you back whether you were curious, but it’s good to have a backup plan, even if just for your own peace of mind.

Strangulation is an inherently unsafe activity and it carries with it a whole host of risks. It can be pretty tricky to gauge how hard to strangle, and going too far can cut off blood supply (or so some research I did told me – full disclosure, I have relatively little experience here and you’d do well to do some of your own research). Really light strangulation is safer, but still not without risk.

If you are going to practice it, however, make sure you have a safeword, as with any BDSM practice. ‘Red’ is a common one because it’s not likely to come up in any other context, and is quick to say if you need to do so urgently. For an activity like this, it’s also very important to have a visual safeword, such as holding a bunch of keys up and dropping them when it’s too much. This has the added advantage of still working if you pass out from lack of oxygen.

Also, be aware that strangulation will likely leave marks on your neck, and if you’re not ready to explain to your friends that you like your partner to choke you then you may need to have a wardrobe of scarves or turtlenecks.



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