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April 3, 2017 | by  | in Food | [ssba]

Sweet Mother’s Kitchen

The trip to Sweet Mother’s Kitchen came after a torrid February afternoon in which we were on the hunt for fried chicken. After the enormous disappointment from an unnamed and well-regarded establishment being “out of chicken” we headed to the end of Courtenay for some much sought after butter-milked-bliss.

Sweet Mother’s Kitchen prides itself for its take on Southern food, with dishes from New Orleans, as well as Mexican snacks. The decor is very American, sporting a vintage hoarders look. All the waiters and waitresses are dressed without uniform and look like they’d rather be dead or at a Wellington Phoenix match — 50/50 isn’t it?

The fried chicken comes as boneless chicken strips, breaded to perfection. They remind me of human Schmackos (the dog treat), and I did indeed go whacko™ for them. Buttermilk was involved in the creation of these bad boys, and I almost had to arrange the menu over my lap as I took the first bite as arousal was the primary emotion. Several bites into my fillet of chicken you slowly realise the crisp crumb around the chicken starts to fall off the fillet and gracefully glaze the fries. Now we realise that Salient doesn’t usually publish erotic material so if anyone wants to read the erotic fan-fiction that I wrote involving SMK’s chicken and Burger Liquor’s fries, bling my line on the d-low. 4.8 out of 5.

The curly fries were pretty good, but also got me thinking about why curly fries are one of the only foods that you can buy that are curly. Why stop there; their exemplary status should be something for other foods to aspire to. Like I mean I guess you have spiral pasta, but that’s just spaghetti all dressed up and ready for a more accessible meal that won’t splash your white shirt like spaghetti does. If you come at me saying curly fries are just fries that are curly you are wrong and uninformed as they have a special yet simple process behind the crispness. Curly fries are always good though, like have you ever had bad curly fries? Curly fries are the restaurant equivalent of your emotionally unstable aunt’s potato salad at the family reunion: these did not disappoint. 4.0 out of 5.0.

Each table comes with an assortment of various hot sauces that dare customers to play funny games such as “put lots and lots on your chicken as a funny joke that ruins your food and bowel movements” — a classic New Zealand pastime. Because I (Thomas) am white I had to let Kii tell me the subtle flavors in the sauces past that of my “it’s really hot why didn’t you tell me you dickhead.” He told me but I didn’t listen as I was too busy thinking about the sour cream in my fridge at home; a more reasonable spicy challenge. Speaking of challenges, do we all remember the Nutmeg challenge? What a time to be alive. Hot sauce: 1 out of 5 (Thomas), 4 out of 5 (Kii).


You can catch Kii and Tom on SalientFM (88.3) on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays 6.00–8.00pm. Find them on Facebook: “Kii and Tom”.


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