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July 31, 2017 | by  | in Horoscope | [ssba]


We hope that our beautiful friends are feeling ready for a August full of turbulent Planetary motions.

— Aubergine and Celeste


Leo: Jul 23–Aug 22

*rawr* Leos are full of animal instincts this week, as you feel invigorated by a collection of planetary movements. Love will be found in financial institutions so be sure to linger outside your local bank, ATMs, or the Treasury building.


Virgo: Aug 23–Sep 22

Mercury is giving you energy this week, so why not channel that energy to #smashthepatriarchy? Our celestial overlords are not offering you anything else this week… your love, sex, career, and financial lives are all looking pretty bleak.


Libra: Sep 23–Oct 22

With Mercury in your twelfth house of transitions, it’s prime time to impulsively donate all of your possessions to the Women’s Refuge! Read that book about tidying up and minimalism! Go with the flow Libra!


Scorpio: Oct 23–Nov 21

Things are getting hot this month, and Mars joining the action in Leo really puts a fire under your ass/ambition! You will be charming af so the banter at work will be f l o w i n g. Use this to your advantage and network, you magnetic Scorpion!


Sagittarius: Nov 22–Dec 21

You’re back on your bullshit this week, and by that we mean you’re back on your grind this week hunny. Don’t forget to embrace the fiery energy of Leo Season tho. Your impulsiveness will be rewarded! You know you want to send that risky text.


Capricorn: Dec 22–Jan 19

Last week might have been chill for you sweet Goat, but this week Mercury is sending you a message from your worldly ninth house to go and explore something new! Preferably something you can Instagram. You will be uncharacteristically candid so be careful not to ask your friend-with-benefits what you guys *are* mid-coitus.


Aquarius: Jan 20–Feb 18

The planets are working in your favour Aquarius! Mercury is in your eighth house of ~mysteries~ and the metaphysical will be calling your name. Cast a circle of light or buy a ouija board. Speaking of physical, this energy will spice up your love life. ;)


Pisces: Feb 19–Mar 20

Hopefully you are not overwhelmed this week, gentle Fish. Mercury is in Virgo and your relationship house so utilise this energy to make things happen! Super Like someone on tinder! Now is the time to be honest about what you want, whether it’s an open relationship or an orgy.


Aries: Mar 21–Apr 19

Last week was a turbulent time for you, as starry-eyed Venus sat at odds with boring, sensible Saturn. Well Saturn has pissed off now, meaning you can get back to doing what Aries do best: falling wholeheartedly in love with people who end up being overwhelmingly disappointing.


Taurus: Apr 20–May 20

Unfortunately, Mercury’s retrograde is not encouraging financial growth for Bulls this fortnight. Well… it might be Mercury, or it could be systemic sexism in our workplaces meaning that average af white dudes get hired over you.


Gemini: May 21–Jun 20

You can thank the Moon for any extra cash that comes your way this month. Family relations are on the up so make sure you call all the incredible women in your life and thank them for all they have done for you. #feminism


Cancer: Jun 21–Jul 22

Ayyyyy August 2k17 is all about partying for you thanks to our planets working together to increase your health and energy levels. This means you are much more likely to attract rich partners which is always an added bonus.


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