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March 5, 2018 | by  | in *News* News | [ssba]

Briscoes Lady, First of Her Name, Breaker of Maternal Ties

After the purchase of a clothes horse, nation’s parents finally confident their kids will be OK at uni.

“I remember when they were only this big,” one teary eyed mum told Salient while in line to purchase a Clothes Airer LTW Super, only $54.99 at Briscoes. The wire frame clothes horse, described by the official Briscoes website as “large, sturdy, heavy duty,” is set to support the washing of the nation’s first year students, as well as the emotional burden of many of the nation’s now empty nested mums.

Another popular product this week is the Living & Co Clothes Airer 12 Rail available from the Warehouse. Despite offering a smaller drying area, the 12 Rail is considerably cheaper at only $8, perfect for less concerned parents. Adamanda, a Mt Eden mum whose son Elliot just began his first year at Victoria University, was admirably pragmatic, saying, “I’m not wasting money on something he probably won’t use, and I don’t think I’ve ever seen Elliot do his own washing.” She told Salient that although she did worry about her son’s sometimes boisterous behaviour, the lost cost drying rack helped put her mind at ease.  

The Briscoes Lady, eternal unaging Mother of the Nation and Feudal Ruler of the Empty Wasteland that is Briscoes post-O-Week, told Salient she was pleased with the tribute of freshers this move-in season. Speaking from her throne of half priced duvets and washing baskets, “this year’s offering has been bountiful. The coffers of my halls glisten with gold and rare jewels”.

She affirmed that the offering this year had been “adequate” and bestowed her blessing on the new crop of first years. “I grant you no tutorials before 11am and by my accord I bless you with no hall fines for vomiting in the hallway.”

Mums and dads nationwide were relieved, and praised the The Briscoes Lady, hallowed be her name, for being merciful to their wary children. Adamanda thanked the Goddess for sparing her son Elliot and said she would “make sure to buy the higher thread count sheets when her younger daughter Gemma begins University next year”.

[ssba]

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