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April 9, 2018 | by  | in *News* | [ssba]

CubaDupa Ruins Wellington’s Smoko Break

Last month, in an act of reverse gentrification, local semi-iconic Wellington Festival CubaDupa left thousands of counter-culturalists displaced by thousands of other slightly different counter-culturalists.

The wholesome and irreverent festival featured local artists, diverse cuisine, inclusive presentations and events, and a variety of street vendors selling knick knacks. Despite a really out of character Wellington drizzle, the whole event went off without a hitch.

By those introverts shuffling outside for some nicotine infused solace, however, the festival was received entirely differently.Website-Cover-Photo4

“The entire street was blocked off by people having fun and dressing up. It even looked exhausting, like I felt exhausted,” said local architecture student, Ryan Wilcox. “I mean how am I supposed to compete with that?” he said, gesturing vaguely at a grown man wearing a pirate costume. “I’m extremely self-conscious about my fanny pack right now, and honestly I think I’d just like to go home.”

In an informal survey, ~75% of CubaDupa goers reported feeling personally victimised by the festival, with the same ~75% also reporting that the event was still slightly less awful than an afternoon spent walking down Lambton Quay.


With festivities concluding on the Sunday evening, and over 100,000 enjoying the weekend’s diverse itinerary, Wellington’s Port-Royal-chewing twenty-something demographic is expected to refresh itself by mid-April.

*Disclaimer: This is shit news*

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