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April 9, 2018 | by  | in *News* | [ssba]

Ed Sheeran Mayor of Dunedin

Ed Sheeran was been elected as the new mayor of Dunedin, ahead of his three shows in the city over Easter weekend.

“It made sense [to have a new mayor]. Sheeran’s acknowledgement of our city is the best thing to happen to Dunedin since we were the first place to export frozen meat in 1882. No, better,” said Wed Kherr Ahn, a spokesperson for the Dunedin City Council.

“Just by turning up for three days in this godforsaken hole he has shown that he cares more about this city and its future than anyone else has, ever.”Website-Cover-Photo6

Dunedin residents were happy about the news. “I voted for him,” said Bed Tearan, 72. “I haven’t been able to have a conversation without his name coming up for the past year, so he must be important. I gather he’s a politician who does music on the side, a bit like Jacinda.”

“We’ve been doing great trade in Ed Sheeran tattoos,” said Fred Hearman, who runs Castle on the Hill, a tattoo parlour in North Dunedin.

Paty Kerry, the only non-Ed fan in the city, responded to reports that Dunedin is to rename itself “Ed-was-in” with scorn.

“Why are we humiliating ourselves like this? I’m just thinking out loud here…his music is bland, and his politics non-existent. He’s not perfect for this place, and he doesn’t deserve to be mayor. I think of him, and I see fire.”

Dunedin’s new mayor did not respond to requests for comment.

*Disclaimer: This is shit news*

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