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April 30, 2018 | by  | in *News* | [ssba]

Some Superheroes Definitely Don’t Wear Capes: An Interview

Harry Bland calls himself “Wellington’s only superhero”. Salient sat down with Bland to get the inside scoop. Unfortunately, he only wanted to be interviewed while cycling, but was willing to settle for a stationary exercise bike.

Salient: Can you tell us what led you to self-identify as a superhero?

Bland: Well, I was thinking about it, and I realised that I wear lycra and I’m saving the world, so I must be a superhero.

Salient: You are… definitely wearing lycra. That’s impossible to miss. Can you elaborate a bit more about “saving the world”?

Bland: I cycle to work. And back.

Salient: Oh… okay. That’s it?

Bland: I live in the Hutt and work in the city, so it’s quite a long way.

Salient: Yeah, but how are you saving the world?

Bland: I work as an accountant, a slave to capitalism, the force that is almost single handedly responsible for the degradation of the environment across the world. While I’m not yet paid for it, I see my primary purpose as cycling to work. Every pedal I push stops a small amount of carbon dioxide from going into the atmosphere. It makes an enormous difference. And I’m not ashamed of cycling, either. I wear brightly coloured clothing and a visibility vest, and then I change in the office, so everyone knows that I’m a cyclist, just in case they haven’t talked to me for more than a minute and noticed that I’m superior. I’m sure that this makes other people want to cycle too.

Salient, (panting): So what is your superhero name, then?

Bland: Pedalman. And history will remember me.

*Disclaimer: This is shit news.*

 

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