I liked Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom and I can’t believe I’m saying that. Yes, we all know that Jurassic World (the one with all the product placement) was a bloated, capitalistic mess, but I genuinely found some fun in the sequel.
Not because of Chris Pratt, because personally, I’d be happy if Chris Pratt died five minutes into the third installment in this franchise and Bryce Dallas-Howard took things over, but because of its ridiculousness.
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom is two straight hours of utter bullshit, and I loved the film for it. I entered the theatre hoping for some sweet, sweet glimpses of grey-haired daddy Jeff Goldblum (unfortunately relegated to a cameo role) and left delirious, wondering where on earth they could take the franchise next.
So. It’s been three years since the first film. Isla Nublar is about to explode. Our faves must go and save the dinosaurs from the volcano. Simple, yeah? Unfortunately, that’s when all goes to shit and some Bad Guys take the dinosaurs from Isla Nublar and try to sell them at a private auction. Our faves must save the dinos. Which they do. By releasing them into the wild.
Fam, I hate to say it, but there’s a really strong possibility Jurassic World 3 is going to be a post-apocalyptic film, and I don’t know what to think about that.
Will we get to see Chris Pratt fight off mutated dinosaurs with a machine gun? Who knows?! Will we get to see Bryce Dallas-Howard spear a t-rex through the head with one of her high heels? Who knows?!
It’s going to be a goddamn clusterfuck and I’m absolutely going to see it on opening night.