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August 6, 2018 | by  | in *News* Splash | [ssba]

Dark Magicians Will Deliver Your Readings to You – For a Price

A group of self-titled “dark magicians”, able to find the readings on Blackboard in under three minutes, has formed in order to capitalise more effectively on other student’s confusion.
“We all know that every Blackboard is laid out differently,” said Wanda Rowan, the group’s self-styled “Grand Dame”.

“You usually have to click seventeen links, log into five different systems and sacrifice a medium sized rodent. But we formed our conclave during the new moon in the trimester break, and we’re really good at it now.”
The group charges a $10 retainer fee to all students who wish to use the service. For that fee, they will get two readings delivered to them, and will be charged $3.50 for each extra week of readings.
Rowan was unwilling to give details of how the “Dark Reading Warlocks” join Blackboard pages for classes they’re not enrolled in. “There’s more of us than you think,” she said, ominously. “We have…connections.”
“That’s all very well for people who have readings posted on Blackboard,” said Genevieve Russell. “I had to sell my kidney to afford my law textbook.”

*Disclaimer: This is shit news*

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