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September 17, 2018 | by  | in TV | [ssba]

Top 5 Sexiest TV Shows I I Was Too Young to be Watching But I Did Anyway

5. Skins
Skins is about teens being sexy and stressful, and was a necessary part of growing up in the mid-to-late 2000s, along with thinking anyone with a side fringe was hot, and MSN group chats. While I was in the same age bracket as the characters on Skins when season one aired, the whole time I watched it I felt very uncool and very unsexy. I think this show should only be watched by people who have been to Berlin and/or done nangs, which is what I believe is cool now based on social media and not leaving the house.

4. Big Brother Australia: After Dark
If you put a bunch of young hot Australians in a house for several months with no escape, they are going to get horned up, and then the rest of Australia, and as a result New Zealand, will want to watch it. I’m pretty sure I literally saw someone get teabagged on this show. When I googled the show, the third result was from PornHub. Why couldn’t everyone just masturbate in the toilet like Tiffany Pollard did on CBBUK and leave it at that?
3. Sex and the City
For most people my age (mid-to-late twenties), Sex and the City is the number one show they sneak-watched late at night, up close to the TV, with the volume down very low. SatC is how I learned about dildos, oral sex, and poorly prioritizing my money. Of course it all flew over my head because I was literally nine years old, but I sure felt cool and mischievous. After a rewatch as an adult woman, it makes a lot more sense and I also have discovered I am, unfortunately, a Carrie — I don’t believe in astrology, but I do strongly believe everyone is a character from Sex and the City. You are usually the one you hate the most because you see yourself in their flaws so much, unless you are a Samantha, in which case: nice!

2. Queer As Folk (US)
I watched the entirety of this show — about the lives of a group of gay men and their loved ones in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania — between the ages of fourteen and fifteen, at a time when I was voraciously working my way through my local indie rental store’s queer section. My mother would always let me rent whatever I wanted because she trusted me, which was foolish because I was going through puberty and not at all to be trusted. Queer As Folk was groundbreaking in its representation of gay men at the time, and it also did not fuck around in its depictions of fucking; in the very first episode I was introduced to rimming. I think this show influenced a lot of my teen writing career, which was primarily sexually explicit Harry/Draco fanfiction written by me, a virgin who couldn’t drive. But look at me now! I still can’t drive.
1. Nip/Tuck
Nip/Tuck is Ryan Murphy’s classic medical drama about wanting to be inside people with both surgical tools and your penis. It is a very sexy show where everyone is extremely angry and sad all the time, and was surely the least positive role model for my teenage hormones from this list. If I think about it too hard, it unnerves me that Ryan Murphy has been simultaneously entertaining, disappointing, and traumatizing me since 1999 — over two-thirds of my life. Best not to think about such things, shut up, and keep watching the filthy television.


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Uncomfortable places: skin.

:   Where are you from?  My list was always ready: England, Ireland, Scotland, Wales, puppy dogs’ tails, a little Spanish, maybe German, and—almost as an afterthought—half Samoan. An unwanted fraction.   But you don’t seem like a Samoan. I thought you were [inser

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