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October 8, 2018 | by  | in *News* | [ssba]

The Hypocrisy of the Older Generations

Worldwide, the adolescence of today – so called-millennials – are criticized for being too lazy, materialistic, shallow, and frivolous. In particular, comments about youth spending habits on brunch, technologies, and drugs have been widely publicized.
However, recent studies have shown that the majority of those comments come from over-50s who were, at the time of interview, “drunk as shit”. Whether the drinking or complaining came first is unknown. Salient interviewers took to the streets of Wellington at 7:30pm on a Tuesday to talk to some baby boomers about their perspectives. Local 61-year-old uncle Jacob Thompson commented “the youth of today always want to talk about their feelings and ‘emotional intelligence whatchamacallit’– it’s no wonder they can’t find houses”.
Jacob subsequently asked us to hail him a taxi due to the fact he wasn’t trusted to drive home alone. Similarly, 58-year-old publicist Maria Lou, projectiling at random intervals, had strong views about university students. “I live next to students,*puke barf* it’s hell. All they do is *puke puke* make business plans while munching on avocados. In my day we worked for others,” she said, green spit sparkling from the corner of her frown. Her eyes were reportedly “glazed af”.
Students in the hub were unsurprised when told about these cases. Second year Anthony Ward said “Oh yeah, almost all of that generation is just drunk all the time. It’s why they get so grumpy at us – because we’re f*cked up but still sober for the majority of the day”. Fourth year law student, Tanya Cassanova agreed. “The babyboomer generation is supposed to be all happy and easy-going, but in reality, they’re just blocking out their pain in other ways. I’m grateful to be where I’m at.”

*Disclaimer: This is shit news*

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