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May 6, 2019 | by  | in Ask Agatha | [ssba]

Ask Sissy – Flat Drama

Hi Sissy,

So I have recently had a small piece of drama in my life. One of my hard-to-read flatmates said that he had something to talk with me about, and told me that he had feelings for me.

This totally blindsided me. I do not have any feelings for this flatmate and we’ve never spent one-on-one time together. I respect him a lot as a person and he’s chill to live with. I don’t want this to be a problem in our flat. How do I continue to treat him kindly without making it awkward for either of us?


Not making things awkward is not your responsibility here! He declared feelings for you despite never spending any one-on-one time together. He didn’t seem to consider the likelihood that this could make the living situation difficult for you. You do not have to prioritise his feelings in this scenario. I hope you don’t feel like you should go out of your way to make him feel comfortable or to soothe any hurt feelings. You don’t!


If you haven’t already, tell him you respect him as a person but you don’t have any interest in developing any kind of relationship beyond flatmate/friend. Then carry on; business as usual. Pretend it never happened. Everybody move forward. If things are kind of awkward for a bit, that’s OK, but it’s not your responsibility to fix it. Make sure to develop a life independent of the flat dynamic by seeking friendship opportunities that don’t necessarily involve your flatmates.


If he brings it up again or gives you any weird vibes, you should tell your other flatmate or a trusted friend. You’re entitled to feel safe and comfortable in your home.



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