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AuthorEdward Warren

Author Archive: Edward Warren

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October 10, 2011

A recent study undertaken by New Zealand Herald in conjunction with KiwiPoll, a private research company, has revealed that 82 per cent of New Zealanders prefer the weather segment of the news to the sports section. The official statistic, 82 per cent, is based on a study of 20,000 New Zealand residents who told researchers […]

October 3, 2011

Labour leader Gil Phoff and Wellington representative Rant Grobertson have come under serious media scrutiny following an order by the Wellington City Council to remove a number of Labor billboards erected for the November election. The billboards, which originally towered over Willis St, Courtenay Place and Lambton Quay, infringed a number of sections fundamental to […]

September 19, 2011

Wellington’s Chicago Sports Bar is currently fighting two legal battles, following the release of their ‘Kiwi-Burger’, strategically released in time for the Rugby World Cup. The first, a trademark suit brought by McDonalds, with a claim that the fast-food conglomerate owns the rights to the name ‘Kiwi Burger’, particularly in conjunction with the use of […]

September 12, 2011

Following two major traffic accidents on the weekend, each one concurrent with the presence of unattractive youths, the Council is considering appearance—on the first occasion of two very ugly toddlers, and on the second by one, slightly older but objectively far more physically displeasing child—as being the primary cause for each accident. The first accident, […]

September 5, 2011

Marcello Rubini was caught short this week when, in a chance meeting, bumped into Emma Furneaux, a flame from years passed. The two enjoyed four minutes of awkward, well-meaning conversation while Rubini’s good friend Frankie Stout, stood by, un-introduced. The two made plans to meet again in the coming week to “catch-up” for a “coffee”. […]

August 15, 2011

Victoria University of Wellington students this week were outraged to learn of National’s plan to alter the ownership of their university, following extensive meetings with the Vice-Chancellor, Paul Welch. The details of the ‘change of hands’ deal were included in a broad proposal released to the press last Thursday covering National’s intentions for the tertiary […]

August 1, 2011

Victoria law student Paul Bembrey has stunned legal experts around the world recently by poking holes in the nearly 80-year-old judgement from Donoghue v Stevenson delivered by Lord Atkin in 1932. The well-known case is a staple of law curriculums throughout the Commonwealth, forming the basis of the common law rule of negligence, and is […]

July 25, 2011

A party held at a student flat celebrating Re-Orientation Week was closed down last Saturday night following complaints from neighbours that it was “just downright depressing” and that the partygoers “looked bored as anything”. The 14 person-strong gathering began attracting attention from nearby residents when, due to a technical malfunction, the music cut out and […]

July 11, 2011

‘Ahhhhh, shit’—Dani Walker, up-and-coming Aoraki vocalist In April of this year, Aoraki quartet ‘Here’s That Tenor I Owe Ya’ raised $3000 to be able to travel to the capital to compete in Wellington City’s ‘Big Voices, Bad Choices’ contest. What they didn’t realise was that they were actually seeking financial support from community members to […]

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