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September 25, 2006 | by  | in Features | [ssba]

Campaign 2006

SALIENT once again exploits former VUWSA President Jeremy Greenbrook-Held’s student politics withdrawal symptoms, and sends him deep into the heart of the 2006 campaign to give us a report on the propaganda.

VUSWA electionMy first year at Victoria was 2002 – at the end of my first year, I stood for the General Exec of VUWSA. As a result, I have never seen a VUWSA election where I wasn’t the candidate. 2006 was going to be the year that I could sit on the sideline and laugh at what all these poor baby-face John Campbell doppelganger mug-shot is sure to be a hit with the ladies. Graffiti includes scribbling out the wording so it says “he says… crap… Seriously!” and “vote for him – he’s from Levin”. According to one of our first years, Brown failed to turn up to a GEOG 112 lecture speak. Tsk, tsk.


“Working to make VUWSA financially accountable”

Cosgrove’s use of the Che Guevara-style silhouette in the background impressed the judges, as did the small amount of writing. The judges suspected a small amount of airbrushing on Cosgrove’s hair, but could not substantiate that.


“No Self-Serving Bullshit”

The judges praised Duggan’s use of poetry (“Vote for me, Anna D”), but were disappointed with her use of a mug shot that made her look like a real estate agent. Graffiti included a mock up of her looking like Margaret Thatcher.


“Against fee rises for international students”

The judges liked the simple design of Fontanier’s poster, especially the “ELECT” in a star in the top corner. The sideways glance photo was also a nice touch, but being slightly blurred unfortunately let her down somewhat.


“Vote Geoff ‘The Maori’ Hayward”

The judges liked Hayward’s comical use of Bro Town cartoons, but felt that he let himself down with a Jake the Muss style mug shot on some leaflets. Most notable graffiti was a John McEnroe 80s style headband and a Batman mock up. One of our first years commented that: “the only one I really know is Geoff the Maori, which I think is a great little catchy name.”


“Experienced leadership for VUWSA in 2007”

The judges felt that hardened campaign veteran Kelly made good use of the University Games shield (although some teething problems with the next did occur), but undersold himself with a lack of the Upper Hutt humour he is renowned for. Graffiti included a mock up of him as Hannibal Lecter.


“If I had a hammer… I’d SMASH Patriarchy”

Judges liked Mitchell’s use of the ‘Rosie the Riveter’ cartoon, demonstrating a level of militancy in her bid for the role. This was, unfortunately, lost with small writing taking up the rest of the space.



The judges liked the clarity of Neilson’s posters, with a no frills photo. Unfortunately, the use of a spiral in the foreground obscured the poster somewhat, and the unnecessary use of three exclamation marks in his footer also let him down.


“Working hard to get a fair deal for Students”

The judges liked Prateley’s use of space, and the layout of “Vote Heleyni Pratley for Welfare Vice President”. Unfortunately, the photo makes her look like she’s dead, with a Hitler-style side-part. There’s also miles too much detailed writing.


“On the VUWSA Exec since 2005”

Judges liked the promiscuous sideways glance on Prendergast’s leaflet, although were worried about how much toner was left in the Xerox machine after she had finished (although it did make the leaflets stand out). The font consistency was commendable.


“An Executive That Serves YOU, not their own personal ideologies”

The judges liked Robinson’s florescent green/yellow posters, especially the industrial strength card that some of them were printed on. The lack of a photo was somewhat of a disappointment, as was the vast amount of written material.

AND, although he hadn’t got any campaign material up before Salient went to print, one of our first years mentioned.Alexander Nielson (Treasurer and General Exec) because:
“he sits in our class and picks his nose and eats it”
Nice one Alex – pure class mate.

Here’s also a sneak at some of the highlights of the candidates debate.

“The 2006 Exec has been the most incompetent in years.”
Geoff Hayward (President) pulls no punches about why he wants the top job.

“What’s the difference between a hedgehog and a room full of student politicians? The pricks are on the outside of the hedgehog.”
Nick Kelly (President) breaks the ice with a little bit of humour.

“We need student reps that will kick the Vice Chancellor’s arse.”
Fa’afetai Ta’ase (President) makes it quite clear who his real enemy is.

“You suck.”
Joel Cosgrove (EVP) when asked to say something funny.

“We’re working on the beer prices.”
Heleyni Pratley (WVP) on the price of beer in the Mount St Bar and Café.

“I love your work.”
Caroline Prendagast (WVP) to the Salient journalists present.

“Humour is not my speciality.”
Alexander Nielson (Treasurer) obviously trying to show that he is ideal for the job.

“Mohammad Il Dev… sorry I can’t pronounce it.”
Geneviene Fontanier (International Officer) trying to name the President of Iran, going one better than fellow American George W. Bush who couldn’t name him during the 2000 Presidential election.

“I’m a bit of a nerd” and “I’m pretty sleep deprived”
Rachel Wright (Queer Officer) tells all.

“I’m also an early childhood teacher, and I think those skills will be handy on the VUWSA exec.”
Amy Mitchell (Women’s Rights Officer) under no misapprehensions as to what the VUWSA exec is like.

“I’ve been at VUWSA for a year and I’ve survived.”
Mellissa Barnard (General Exec) with a bit of self-praise.

“No, I have no plans to implement GST at VUWSA.”
Alexander Nielson (General Exec) when asked if he would follow in his father’s footsteps (Peter Nielson was a Cabinet Minister in the 4th Labour Government)

“I’m going to burn things.”
Tai Neilson (General Exec) on his plans as an exec member. Lock up your couches…

“I’m still here.”
Chris Renwick (General Exec) on how long he has been at Victoria.

“I’ve probably lived in flats that are worse [than VUWSA].”
Stephen Tyler (General Exec) who probably doesn’t know what he’s in for.

“If you don’t know me where the hell have you been for the past 10 years?”
Cordelia Black (Council Rep) who is apparently famous on campus.

Kieran Brown (Council Rep) when asked if he could recommend a good voice coach.

“Yeah, DebSoc, but also the tramping club – there’s a lot of grass there.”
James Clark (Council Rep) trying to prove he’s down with the grassroots.

“I love sex. I love safe sex. In fact – and I want to go off the record here, Nicola – I would love safe sex to be included in the Salient Charter.”
Chris Bishop (Publications Committee) and unfortunately, nothing’s off the record’ at the candidates forum.

“That’s all I have to say.”
Nicholas O’Kane (Publications Committee) with a fitting end to the candidates forum.


About the Author ()

JEREMY GREENBROOK-Held (BA, BSc) is prematurely middleaged. He is married (sort of), dresses like a Country Road catalogue threw-up on him, and lives in the fashionable Wellington suburb of Oriental Bay. He used to have a huge amount of respect for Wellington taxi drivers for knowing where his out-of-the-way dead-end street was, until he found out that the house two doors up from his was a brothel. He is a postgraduate student, whose masters thesis is a delightfully erotic mix of geography and statistics. On cold winters nights, he longs for the simpler days of yesteryear, when the VUWSA President and Salient Editor were on talking terms. His pet-hate is commerce students – in his opinion, the best thing for them would be a good long stint in Vietnam.

Comments (9)

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  1. blogette says:

    it was a disaster

  2. hmmm says:

    So was this article

  3. Rossini says:

    Hello to everybody

  4. 'On Campus' Dave says:

    What the fuck would jeff hayward know ? He’s only a second year. I know one hell of a lot more, how do you think i got the nickname ‘on campus’ ? I’ve been at university for 14 years, bitch !
    Hayward keeps propounding the same rhetoric and doesn’t care about the elder statesman (like me) on campus. Fuck you ! Fuck viclabour ! Fuck rogernomics ! This fucker wouldn’t think twice about selling the railways.
    Cosgrove’s another one of those viclabour cunts I don’t like. I’m voting for garth robson for president. He provides leadership.
    Isn’t carl prendergast quite fat. Is she gonna participate in the boobs on dikes parade.
    …in the meantime, go and get fucked !

  5. Noddy says:

    gareth robinson provides leadership

  6. Muppett says:

    Cosgrove is SOOOO NOT viclabour – he is Workers Party (Anti-capitalist alliance). Calling him a member of VicLabour would be worse than calling him a member of the act party :)

  7. Cunt is Just a Word says:

    And Geoff (not Jeff) is actually in his seventh year at university. Like that would matter. Nor does his Master degree matter. Nor does his political affiliation matter. What does matter is whether he could be a better VUWSA president that the other candidates. Maybe Gareth can tell me how his experience at losing in every VUWSA election since 2002 is ‘leadership’?

  8. Rex Hydro says:

    On Campus Dave is a paedophobic man, which is why he is still at university. Jeff Hayward is in the 7th year of his BA. Cosgrove IS a member of Vic labour, he does believe in Rogernomics and moderate social democracy. Gareth Robson doesnt know what hes doing, he has never been elected to an inline hockey team let alone a VUWSA.

  9. Franky boy says:

    Lol. Caroline Prendergast has been packing on the beef lately. Are there any senior biology students around? Is it possible for conception to occur as a result of a lesbian liaison. I should clarify; If Muppett had just sucked a dude off and then quickly ate Predergast out, could Prendergast get pregnant?

    Your thoughts?

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