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October 1, 2007 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Leave Britney Alone

This week we weren’t sure what we should write about, but then, we saw this awesome video and had no choice but to discuss it. It is the creepiest thing ever. Basically it is this dude who really, really cares about Britney Spears lying down and talking with his face real close to the camera. He wants us all to ‘leave Britney alone’, although he certainly hasn’t, his room is plastered with Britney photos and memorabilia and he gets pretty emotional about it.

The clip is everywhere, YouTube, C4, MySpace (we even saw it on grindcore/death metal band Cephalic Carnage’s page), but if you haven’t seen it yet you can check out at (it wouldn’t be Online Weekly without a complicated link!).

After seeing this video, so many questions ran through our heads. Was it real or was this somebody who is trying to be really ironic? Was it commissioned by Britney’s publicist? Is it an alien? We had to find out.

The video was made by a guy called Chris Crocker, the ‘queen of complaining’ We found his MySpace ( which lists him as 19, gay, from ‘Real Bitch island, Zaire’ and shows off some very sexual pictures on there with lollipops, shag carpets and latex bras. In his ‘about me’ he says, ‘Who am I? It’s more like WHAT am I! I am the future.’ And then gives us the ‘411’, which is quite exciting: ‘I call myself the Queen of Complaint because complaining is my religion. Complaining is a positive thing. The more we complain- the more likely change will occur.’

We guess that’s true. Imagine what kind of a world we’d be living in if Martin Luther King Junior, Kate Sheppard, Nelson Mandela…ummm…Moses….hadn’t complained? But they seem different somehow: they actually had a 100 per cent straight up, totally valid complaint to make. Chris Crocker does not. Britney is not exactly all “leave me alone! I don’t want publicity!” in fact, she’s quite the opposite.

If you check the gossip websites (online, of course) you’ll find that (especially recently, as she has been in court over custody of her two lil’ Federlines) when she’s been caught out with no undies on, getting IT ON in Vegas, then described as an alcoholic with a drug problem by Judges/Justin Timberlake/ Momma Lynn Spears, she immediately picks up the kids, heads to the most popular paparazzi haunts and poses for pictures.

So perhaps a counter video should be made: “Leave Us Alone, Britney, No-One Likes You Anymore”. That train wreck needs to find some kind of cave and hibernate ‘til her hair grows back and her brain-cells rejuvenate.

In fact, it seems like Crocker’s Britney cave might be perfect – it’d work out fantastically for all involved. Britney could live in a room full of pictures of her, get sponge-baths from Chris, and sleep the past few months off. And all under the adoring gaze of Chris, who would get to share a room with his idol, get even more media attention by posting videos of Britney and him spooning on YouTube, and finish his teenage years with narry a complaint passing from his lips.

After the winter has passed, Britney will emerge, like a butterfly from the chrysalis…or a grizzly bear from its cave …all sparkly and new and with abdominal muscles again, maybe a stylish ponytail, gosh, who knows? The possibilities are endless.


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  1. asheesh vyas says:

    please let me know about your outlet at udaipur rajasthan

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