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February 25, 2008 | by  | in Features | [ssba]

Mike Huckabee wants to Kick Your Ass

Republican Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee has some powerful friends: 16-time WWE world-champion professional wrestler Rick “The Nature Boy” Flair (who used the signature illegal move ‘testicular claw’) and legendary karate lord Chuck Norris, otherwise known as Walker Texas Ranger, the man who destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.

Huckabee, a Southern Baptist preacher, creationist, death-penalty supporter and bass player in the band Capitol Offence, calls Flair and Norris “Smith and Wesson,”

his secret weapons to reach out to a younger audience. As the former Arkansas Governor told a crowd at Clemson University, South Carolina: “I want to introduce you to the Secretary of Defense, Chuck Norris, and the Director of Homeland Security, Ric Flair.”

Norris and Flair, famed for their ability to kick ass, relate to Huckabee’s vision for American foreign policy. Discussing US warships backing off after a confrontation with Iranian speedboats, on a Fox News debate in January: “I think we need to make it very clear, not just to the Iranians but to anyone, that if you think you’re going to engage the United States’ military, be prepared… because the next thing you’ll see will be the gates of hell.” Much cheering from the audience ensues.

Huckabee now sits second, behind John McCain, in the race to become the Republican Presidential candidate. And the idiocracy spreads like a plague.


About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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