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February 25, 2008 | by  | in Opinion | [ssba]

Reasons why Stafford didn’t burn down

1. Urine
2. Fire Alarms
3. Yoda used the force to control the flames
4. Asbestos
5. The building is actually made out of faeces

Reasons the film programme Is getting scrapped

1. The Marxist-Feminist Coven implemented double-speak
2. Decreasing Homosexual enrolment (Bum’s on seats, eh.)
3. The future of film is questionable after Meet The Spartans
4. The production equipment was being used to make lacklustre porn
5. Peter Jackson bought it

Reasons why NZ’s health system is shite.

1. Lack of coordination of reporting between DHB’s (ahaha serious answer lulz)
2. Doctors are learning their procedures off Shortland Street as opposed to E.R
3. First year doctors sleeping with corpses
4. Ropata vs. McDreamy: no contest.
5. Everyone has AIDS (AIDS AIDS AIDS!)

Reasons Why Owen Glenn didn’t run for Parliament

1. MP’s don’t get paid enough
2. Sexual tension between him and his gorgeous, pungent leather parliament bench would cause scandal
3. Because he’s too fat to jog, let alone run
4. His large mouth might envelop parliament
5. Deal or No Deal? NO DEAL!!

Reasons why Methyl Bromide is good for you

1. Stops your wood from rotting
2. Gives commerce students cancer
3. Tastes good on toast
4. If they changed to something safer it might cost slightly more.
5. Salient is also fumigated with Methyl Bromide. Would we eant to harm you?

Political nicknames

1. The Kedge (Sue Kedgely)
2. Spud (Jim Bolger)
3. Il Duce (Mussolini)
4. The Human Blob (Parekura Horomia)
5. The Soothsayer (Annette King)

Political Games

1. Name your favourite Master Race
2. Fuck You, Buddy
3. Bigotry: Useful or Inconvenient?
4. Chinese Democracy
5. Milkin’ Milton

[ssba]

About the Author ()

Salient is a magazine. Salient is a website. Salient is an institution founded in 1938 to cater to the whim and fancy of students of Victoria University. We are partly funded by VUWSA and partly by gold bullion that was discovered under a pile of old Salients from the 40's. Salient welcomes your participation in debate on all the issues that we present to you, and if you're a student of Victoria University then you're more than welcome to drop in and have tea and scones with the contributors of this little rag in our little hideaway that overlooks Wellington.

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